


Go Together

by goldieslove



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21541651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldieslove/pseuds/goldieslove
Summary: Jaehyun and Jibeom's 10 years of relationship was tested when they face difference of goal in life.
Relationships: Bong Jaehyun/Kim Jibeom
Comments: 19
Kudos: 87





	Go Together

**Author's Note:**

> I started this before reboot album was released and faced so many changes in plot. When I thought about the title, i remember the song go together and i think it match quite well with the story ^^ and it's bongbeombom song! I so love it!
> 
> There's a hint of mpreg, barely noticable.
> 
> I didn't reread so sorry in advance for any mistakes.

"Nurse Bong, Director Kim called you to his office."

Jaehyun stopped drinking his coffee halfway, glancing at Donghyun who came to deliver the message.

"Why?" He asked although he could already guess the reason. "And stop calling me that, it's like you're mocking me."

Donghyun gave him a knowing look. "I believe it's related to patient in room 193. And yes I was mocking you."

Jaehyun groaned, slamming his paper cup on the table, spilling a bit of coffee to the table, earning a dirty look from Donghyun.

"That patient is a walking trouble," He muttered under his breath, his gaze could burn the wall in front of him.

"You can't say he's a walking trouble when his legs are broken," Donghyun said wearily, putting medical record file on the nurse station. "You're so careless. How could you do that to a patient."

"He deserves more than broken leg."

"You're a nurse, Bong, don't let people hear you say those kind of words," Dr. Choi Sungyoon who happened to walk by said with a teasing smile. The orthopedic knew what's up and had been teasing him since afternoon.

Donghyun snickered at him. Jaehyun sighed after giving the other nurse a glare. "Well, at least I'm not in pediatric ward."

"What do you mean?" Donghyun 's eyes turned wide. "I wish I'm assigned in pediatric ward! It's the best place!"

Jaehyun scoffed. "Children can be devil incarnate. Last time I had to be there for a day, I swear my eardrum will break if I stay there any longer. And I had to be a clown everyday to make them happy and stop crying."

"You're impossible, Jaehyun-ah! You're so mean" Donghyun stared at his fellow nurse in disbelieve. "Children are angels! And if they're here, mean they're sick! You have no heart!"

Jaehyun straightened his scrub and scoffed. "I don't want to talk with a meanie like you too! I'd rather go to Director Kim now." He spun elegantly, and marched towards Director Kim's office.

"Ya! At least wipe the table and throw away your paper cup!"

He ignored Donghyun's cry of protest. The younger nurse deserved that.

*****

Jaehyun knocked twice then opened the door. Director Kim was sitting behind the desk, piles of documents were opened in front of him. The man looked up when he entered. The usual smile the man always gave him was absent. Jaehyun sighed.

"Patient in room 193 filed a complain," Jibeom frowned at him. "He said you slapped his broken leg. Can you explain to me what happened?"

"He touched my butt!"

Jibeom raised his brows. "He touched your butt," The director said in a tone that somewhat offended Jaehyun.

"It's a sexual harrassment! He deserves more than a slap on his broken leg!"

Jibeom rubbed his temple with his index finger. "He said it's an accident, he's trying to shift on the bed but lost balance."

"He said that?" Jaehyun's voice raised an octave. "He fondled me! I swear it's intentional! He even had that lewd face. Ah! I should have slapped his face too."

"Jaehyun.."

"You don't believe me?"

Jibeom sighed. "Jaehyun, I believe you. But you're a nurse. You can't do that. You can't hit an injured patient."

Jaehyun gaped at his lover. "I can't believe you defends him."

"I'm not defending him," Jibeom quickly said. "But you should have been more professional."

"You're asking me to keep quiet when a patient is harrassing me?" Jaehyun was so offended. He couldn't believe Jibeom said that. His butt is his alone, and maybe Jibeom's if the man was not being annoying.

"What I mean is," Jibeom didn't miss a beat to reply, "Whenever that kind of thing happens, report the patient to head nurse. Do it as the protocol. It's wrong to use violence to a patient. He can sue you and the reputation of this hospital can be damaged."

Jaehyun pouted. He admitted the patient can sue or even spread bad news about the hospital, but it didn't mean he's not annoyed to Jibeom. He heard Jibeom stood up from his chair.

"Come here," Jibeom said as he strode towards the nurse and gathered him in his arms.

Jaehyun hated that he's weak in everything related to Jibeom. The annoyance instantly disappeared when his head rested on Jibeom's chest, and the director's cologne invaded his nostril. He hugged him back, basking in his warmth.

Jibeom chuckled. "We're good now?"

He pouted even more, "Did the patient really want to sue me?"

"No," Jibeom chuckled. "I manage to convince him not to after offering a discount for his treatment and some other pleasantries."

Of course, Jibeom was not only handsome, but he's good in human relation thing. That's how he managed to climb to director position in such young age. He admired Jibeom so much.

"Thank you," He sighed. "And I'm sorry, I'll behave next time."

"That's my boy," Jibeom pulled away and ruffled his hair, grinning.

Jaehyun gasped and swatted his hands away. "You're ruining my hair! And don't call me that, I'm not your son."

Jibeom laughed even more. "But you love it when-"

"Stop it!" Jaehyun shrieked with red face and threw a punch to his lover's chest, making the director stumbled back. Jibeom held his arm, still laughing. "Alright, alright, I'm sorry."

The nurse retracted his hand, his cheeks were still dusted with pink colour. "Is that all? I still have work to do."

"Let's have dinner together tonight?"

Jaehyun couldn't help but grin. "Okay!"

*****

Their relationship bloomed during university days. Nursing and medicine department shared the same building and during Jaehyun's orientation, Jibeom was a 4th year medical student who volunteered to help the orientation program. He saw Jibeom for the whole week of orientation but they had never interacted even once.

Jaehyun's first real encounter with Jibeom was quite embarrassing. He was walking passed and greeted the senior when he suddenly tripped on his shoelace and fell face first to the ground. The sudden stinging pain on his chin made his brain turned blank for a few second, before Jibeom's voice greeted his ears.

"Are you okay?" The older student squatted beside him and offered his hand. Jaehyun could sense people watching and some even laughing at him, but Jibeom didn't. Jibeom's black round eyes was peering at him in worry. "Oh no, you get a wound on your chin."

He didn't expect a stranger to lifted his chin gently and examined it. Well, Jibeom wasn't exactly a stranger, but they barely know each other.

"Come on," Jibeom stood up, and hauled him up to his feet. Even after he stood up, Jibeom's eyes scanned his knees and hands. Jaehyun was still in daze that he let the senior checked on him. "Let me take you to infirmary."

When he started to walk, he just realized he had some wounds on his palms and knees as well. His jeans ripped on his knee area. Jaehyun sighed. It's his favorite pair of jeans.

"You have to be careful. What will happen to the patient if the nurse is wounded?" They were inside the building when Jibeom finally talked to him. The man was smiling but there's no hint of malice in his tone. Besides, there's something which made him surprised.

"How do you know I'm a nursing student?"

Jibeom was still smiling. "Of course I know, I saw you during orientation." Jaehyun was flattered that Jibeom remembered him among hundreds of new nursing and medical students in the university.

Jibeom helped him cleaning and dressing his wound although he said he's an adult and could do it by himself.

"I'm Kim Jibeom, 4th year medical student," The senior said after they stepped out from infirmary. "What's your name?"

"Uhh," Jaehyun fiddled with the strap of his bag, still nervous in front of the kind and handsome senior. "I'm Bong Jaehyun."

"That's a pretty name," Jibeom responded with an innocent grin. Jaehyun was flattered, cheeks turned warm. No boys who liked him from his high school days said those kind of thing. He really wondered whether this senior was originally over friendly or he had sweet loose mouth. He bowed his head to hide his blushing cheeks.

"Thank you for your help, Jibeom sunbaenim."

Jibeom waved him off. "Should I walk you to your class?" 

Jaehyun frantically shook his head. They'd just talked to each other, why did Jibeom act like they're boyfriends? And it's not like he's injured severely. "I can walk by myself."

"Okay, be careful," He was grateful Jibeom didn't push him. He smiled shyly. "Thank you, sunbaenim."

Jibeom waved at him and walked to the direction medical department. He waved back, never expected that one year later the senior would be his boyfriend.

*****

"Jibeom-aaahhh.. Babyyy.." Jaehyun waltzed to Jibeom's room without permission. Jibeom was startled at the sudden banging door, but he smiled wide at the sight of his cheerful lover.

"Look who's happy," The director teased him. 

Jaehyun ignored the remark and flew inside, landed on the director's lap. "It's you right?? Who assigned Jangjun hyung to the pervert?"

"I pulled some strings. And I asked Jangjun, he didn't mind," Jibeom grinned. "For case like patient from froom 193, I think Jangjun can handle it very well."

"He will! Thank you," He smooched Jibeom's lips in exaggeration repeatedly, creating a loud sound.

Jibeom's big eyes turned crescent as he laughed, but the doctor pushed him gently. "As much as I enjoy this moment with you, I need to work. I have meeting with the board in 30 minutes and there are some things I need to finish."

"Fine," Jaehyun got down to his feet and patted his crumpled scrub. "Oh, I'll be late tonight, don't wait for me." 

"Why?" Jibeom furrowed his brows. He knew working in medical field meant messy working hour, but Jaehyun had been working until late so often in the past few months, it's not normal anymore. But the nurse enjoyed it. He knew how Jaehyun had always dreamt to be a nurse. While Jibeom admired his dedication, he also felt a little bit jealous. 

"Emergency unit needs some help. Nurse Jung is taking maternity leave and Nurse Lee is in honeymoon leave, Nurse Im is on a trip and Nurse Bae gets chicken pox."

Jibeom sighed. "And you happily volunteered. I should have known."

"I have to! No one is available," Jaehyun stated like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Until when?"

"Next Saturday," Sensing Jibeom's rather bad mood, Jaehyun started to feel anxious. "It's just a week."

Jibeom stared at him blankly. "You remember we have dinner with my mom on Friday right?"

Jaehyun thought his heart stopped beating for a second. Jibeom sighed again after looking at his reaction. "You forgot."

"Babe," Jaehyun took a tentative steps forward, tugging the director's sleeve. "Can we reschedule it to next week?"

"You have night shift next week." 

Jaehyun's face fell. 

"The next next week?" The nurse asked meekly. He looked so sorry that Jibeom had no heart to continue the argument. 

"Mom's going to Jeju for reunion by then," He said with the most nonchalant tone he could muster. "It's fine, I'll just tell mom you can't come."

It'll be hard for him to lie to his mom how Jaehyun really couldn't make it. His mom was fond of Jaehyun, and she's been excited for their visit this Friday. Maybe he'll have to stop by bakery to buy his mom's favorite cream puffs to distract her.

"I'll talk to head nurse, I'll ask for schedule change," Jaehyun said in determination, but Jibeom stopped him from leaving.

"Babe, it's really okay. We can visit them after mom comes back from Jeju."

He's so weak for Jaehyun. A few minutes ago, he was so irritated because his lover had forgotten their dinner date with family, but now, he didn't want Jaehyun to go through so much trouble asking for schedule change. No one would willingly cover a Friday night shift.

Jaehyun shook his head, being stubborn as he usually was. "I'll try at least."

The nurse slipped out from his hold and went out from the room before Jibeom could stop him. Jibeom stood in the middle of his office, heaving a deep sigh.

*****

In the end, as expected, Jaehyun couldn't join the family dinner. No matter how many times he told the nurse that it's fine, Jaehyun was so apologetic and hadn't stopped saying sorry everytime they meet. To lessen the burden, he just told Jaehyun to buy the cream puff and send the to his mother.

Jaehyun bought 2 dozens of cream puffs, added with flower and a cute letter. He shouldn't have to, since Jaehyun had called his mother to announce his absence, and some cream puffs had to be given away to neighbour because his mom didn't think she could finish it before it gone bad. He was touched, and he knew his mom too. Jaehyun was naive, but pure, probably that's why his mom loved him so much. Especially after his dad passed away five years ago, his mom had grew closer to Jaehyun.

Jibeom woke up that morning with fragrant coffee smell invading his nose. His left hand patted the bed, and found it empty. Rubbing his eyes, he set the blanket aside and went down from the bed. He's still tired after working long hours the previous night.

"Good morning," Jaehyun chirped from the kitchen. The nurse had showered and looked fresh, contrast to disheveled state.

"Morning," He mumled, and sat on the high chair on the kitchen island. As soon as he sat, a plate of french toast, a generous amount of sliced bacon and fresh cherry tomatoes also lettuce was served in front of him. A mug of hot coffee followed afterwards. 

He looked confusedly at Jaehyun who looked radiant with his bright smile. Something was definitely not right. Jaehyun sucked at cooking. He had improved tremendously since they started lived together, but with his busy work, he had rarely invested energy to prepare fancy breakfast like this.

He's even more startled when Jaehyun moved to his back and started to massage his shoulders. Jibeom let out a laugh. He gently pried Jaehyun's hands away and turned to face his lover. "Tell me quickly what do you want?" He teased Jaehyun, pretending to be serious although he couldn't hide an amused smile.

Jaehyun pursed his lips, looking annoyed but not too much. "Why?"

"You're nicer than usual," Jibeom coolly said, earning a slap from the nurse. "You must have hidden agenda."

"Fine," Jaehyun stomped his food and settled himself on the other high chair. "It's alright if you don't want to receive my service."

Jibeom chuckled and shook his head. Jaehyun could be weird sometimes, which was adorable. "So what's with this five star hotel level breakfast?" He asked and started to dig in.

"I can't be nice?" Jaehyun was still sulking, but once Jibeom put a small piece of toast and bacon and tomato, the man opened his mouth. "Hmm, this is delicious."

Jibeom laughed out loud. "You don't eat?"

"I ate yoghurt," The nurse bashfully said, "But I can help you finish that," He pointed at the full plate. Jibeom scoffed. 

Instead of taking another plate, he scooted closer and they ended up sharing the breakfast. "You shouldn't eat only yoghurt for breakfast," He scolded the nurse lightly.

"I know, I know," Jaehyun said impatiently before changing the topic. "Soo.. What are we going to do until we go to your house?"

It was an unusually good Sunday where they both didn't have to go to hospital, and the only schedule they had for the day was dinner with Jibeom's mom to make up for the failed dinner last time.

"You have something in mind?" He asked casually which was replied with a not so innocent smile. "What?"

"Well," Jaehyun slurred, running his fingertips on Jibeom's arm. "I have some good ideas."

Jibeom felt shivers through his whole body. It's been so long that they hadn't share intimate moments together due to their busy schedules. And Jaehyun looked so irresistible right now, his shirt had wide collar and the skin of his chest and collarbones was visible. He decided to play along.

"Tell me what's your idea," He said lazily, and let Jaehyun's fingers roaming around his arm.

"Hmm.." Jaehyun pretended to think, his tongue peeking out from his parted lips. "We can play doctors, you're the doctor of course, and I'll be the patient who has problem with.. my prostate?"

Jibeom couldn't stop laughter coming out from his mouth. He admitted that Jaehyun's imagination made his pants felt tighter, but he still found it funny. However, who was he to let this chance pass?

"Alright, Mr. Bong," He said in a professional tone. "Let's go to the examination room and let me check your little problem."

*****

"What time is it?" Jaehyun's voice was muffled with his pillow. The nurse was lying on his stomach sleepily after they vigorous activity.

Jibeom was tired and sleepy as well, although not as sleepy and tired as his lover. He reached out for his phone and checked the time. "We still have 3 hours before we have to leave."

Jaehyun hummed and moved his feet tangling it with the doctor's legs. "Wake me up later."

"Okay, Your Majesty," He mocked playfully and slapped the younger man's ass. "Move you feet. I need to take shower."

The nurse whined and rubbed his ass, but still didn't remove his leg. "You're supposed to make me feel better, not hurting me."

Jibeom chuckled. "Come on, I feel gross, I need shower, and I need to clean up the kitchen."

Reluctantly Jaehyun let him go. Jibeom ruffled his hair and kissed his cheek. "Go sleep."

The younger man didn't argue and as soon as Jibeom stood up, Jaehyun's breath had evened out. For a few seconds, he stood by the bed, watching the soft rising of Jaehyun's chest, a soft smile grazing his face.

*****

"I'm glad you're finally here. I'm so happy to see you, dear" Jibeom's mom ushered him inside, half ignoring her son.

Jaehyun hugged her and sent her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry for last time-"

"Don't worry about that," She didn't let him finish his sentence. "I understand you're busy. It's doesn't matter at all, dear. Oh and thank you for the creem puffs. That's so sweet of you."

"It's nothing," He waved it off shyly. It's Jibeom's idea, but he didn't have heart to tell her.

"What's for dinner, mom?" Jibeom walked leisurely to the kitchen. He found some food served on the table before she replied, and took one egg rol and put it in his mouth.

"Yah! What are you doing?" Jaehyun laughed when Jibeom's mom shooed his son away.

"This look amazing, ahjumma," The nurse said, trying to calm Mrs. Kim. But he didn't lie, she was an expert in cooking. In fact, she's one of the reason he and Jibeom never ran out of side dishes. She'll cook plenty and stock their fridge. If not because of her, their fridge would only have bottled water and eggs. "But isn't this too much?"

Mrs. Kim looked mildly surprised. "Oh, Jibeom hasn't told you that Kibeom and the kids are coming as well? Hyejin went to Incheon to visit her parents so Kibeom brings his kids here."

"Oh," He raised his brows to Jibeom, who avoided his eyes. "He must have forgotten to tell me."

"To my defense, mom texted me this afternoon when you're still er… sleep.. And we were in rush so I forgot," The doctor reasoned out. 

"Kibeom is happy to know you're here, Jaehyun-ah," Mrs. Kim smiled sweetly. "Now go to the living room, there's still one dish I need to cook."

"Let me help," Jaehyun stood up, but she waved him off. "No need, I just need to season it."

Jaehyun obeyed, feeling boneless already. Jibeom should have told him, now Jaehyun's in a panic mode. Not that he hated Jibeom's older brother and his kids, but his four kids never failed to make him overwhelmed. The oldest girl was 6, and the youngest boy was still 11 months. Bora, the oldest, was a sweet kid although a bit sassy. Bojun was a cute chubby baby, but since he had started to crawl around, he couldn't sit still even in a minute and always screamed when he's unhappy. However, Bojun was still mild compared to the twins middle child, Boseung and Boyoung. Jaehyun swore those two were little devil in disguise. 

He didn't realize Jibeom had moved to his side and rubbed his arm as apology. "I really forgot."

"Like I'll believe it," He pursed his lips and sent a glare to Jibeom. "You know I would still come with you here even if I know your brother will come with his kids."

Jibeom grinned innocently. "I know, but at least you don't need to worry for a long time. Promise I won't let the twins near you."

Jaehyun sighed. Jibeom was well aware of his dislike in children in general, and the doctor had witnessed how the twins pranked him until he almost cried in frustration. But Jaehyun felt bad. No matter how naughty Jibeom's nephews were, they still had special part in his heart since well, they're Jibeom's nephews and niece, and he knew Jibeom loves them so much. Besides, their big eyes resembled Jibekm so much, he couldn't resist them. He didn't want Jibeom to think he hated his nephews and niece, but at the same time, he didn't know how to handle them. "I'll be okay, don't worry."

As expected of Kim Jibeom, the love of his life, Jaehyun watched fondly as Jibeom kept his words and kept the twins busy enough so they won't disturb him. Jibeom was on four pretending to be a horse while Boseung sat on his back with plastic sword and Boyoung tugging Jibeom's hair screaming that he wanted to ride on his back too. Not far from them, Bojun was trying to crawl to them but Kibeom was holding him back.

"Kids, enough, you'll break your uncle's back!"

Kibeom's warning was practically ignored. Jaehyun had to silently smiled. 

"Daddy is useless without mom," He turned around, amused at Bora's words. The little girl was reading her story book she brought for home. She eyed his father with a judging stare. "That's why he brings us here, because he can't handle them on his own."

Jaehyun clamped his mouth to stop laughing. "He did?"

Bora hummed. "And because of grandma's food of course."

The nurse giggled. "Your grandma's cooking is amazing."

"Yeah," Bora gazed at her adorably. "Mom's cooking is also good, but dad's.." She made a distaste look and shook her head. "It's terrible."

Jaehyun couldn't hold back his laugh this time. "You're so cute," He pinched her cheeks. The last time he saw Bora was almost a year ago, and back then she whined a lot. It's amazing how she had grown in the past year. She talked and acted like an adult.

"I know," She grinned proudly, revealing her missing tooth. 

Jibeom's hair was disheveled and he looked so tired by the time Kibeom and the kids went home. Mrs. Kim offered thems some tea and cookies. Jaehyun ran his hands through Jibeom's hair, trying to flatten it, while laughing. "You look like you've just gotted electric shock."

"My waist hurt," Jibeom complained. "Twins are getting so heavy."

Although he's laughing, Jaehyun brought his hands up and started massaging Jibeom's lower back. "I think it's just you getting old," He teased. Mrs. Kim laughed.

"They are adorable kids," She said fondly. "The twins are active but their teacher said it's normal. You know active kids means they're smart."

"They outsmart hyung for sure," Jibeom chuckled.

Mrs. Kim paused for a while, eyeing them meaningfully. "So when will your turn?"

Jaehyun froze. He could sense Jibeom turned mute at his side. This was not the first time she brought the matter up, however, he was still not ready.

"It's been what.. 10 years?" She carefully said as if she could read their mind. "You have good career. Do you think it's time?"

"We're so busy with work mom," Jibeom sneaked his hand below the table and gripped his knee. "And we're still young."

"Your brother already had Bora and the twins at your age, Jibeom-ah."

"Yeah well," Jibeom rubbed his head with his free hand. "It's different."

Jibeom's mother nodded, "How about marriage? Do you have a plan?"

Jaehyun glanced at Jibeom who glanced back at him.

"Mom," Jibeom said with a tired sigh. "We've talked about it so many times. We're content with what we have now."

The smile and hopeful look on Mrs. Kim's face faltered, and Jaehyun hated how he was the cause of it. He knew Jibeom felt the same.

"A-ah.. Is that so?" She said. "But you have plan right? In the future?"

"Yes of course," Jibeom said quickly, then hesitantly added, "Someday."

"That's good," She said with a wider smile before she stood up. "I'll pack some foods for you, wait here."

*****

Jaehyun stared at the ceiling of their bedroom. He still remember vividly what Jibeom's mom said, and he remembered her expression as well. She looked disappointed and it's apparent no matter how hard she's trying to conceal it. 

She was the happiest during family gathering and was always excited to have them around, especially after her husband passed away. She was a piano teacher when she's young, her dream was to build passion in kids to love music and especially piano. However, after she retired and her sons had grown up, her dream was to see her sons married well and have a lot of kids, building a happy family. It pained him to know how much she had expected from them, but he couldn't give what she wanted. 

He's not the type who liked to commit. Growing up in a broken family and alcoholic father had built a fear to commit. What if he made wrong decision? What if he regret it in the future? If they have kids, his kids would be a victim, just like him. He didn't want it. It's not that he doubted Jibeom. After 10 years being together, including 3 years living together, he knew Jibeom was the one. They fought, of course, but in the end of the day, Jibeom was the one who understand him the most, who made him feel at home, and years of being together didn't make the initial flame dimmed. 

He didn't like the idea of tied to other people. Marriage meant responsibility and obligation. Call him selfish, he didn't think he could take any more responsibility aside from responsibility over himself. He had a lot on his plate, especially with his long and busy working hours. He's happy like this, there's no need to think about other complicated things. 

Right?

"Babe."

He almost flinched when he out of the blue heard Jibeom's voice. He thought his lover had fallen asleep.

"You're awake?"

"Can't sleep?" Instead of answering, Jibeom asked back. 

Jaehyun scooted closer to Jibeom that their arms touched and hummed.

It took a while until Jibeom responded. "Is it because what mom said?"

Jaehyun didn't need to answer. A sudden stiffness in his body replied Jibeom's question. However, what he didn't expect was Jibeom's next question.

"Will you think about it again?"

Jaehyun sat up and bewilderedly looked at his lover. It was dark, but he had been staring at the ceiling in the dark for almost an hour. His eyes had adjusted to the dark. Jibeom was staring at him. No hint of sleepiness on his face although he's lying down on the bed, tucked nicely under blanket.

"W-what?"

Jibeom looked down to the blanket. "Aboud getting married and having kids.."

"I-I thought we agreed.." Jaehyun stammered. All this time, Jibeom understood and had never protested about his refusal to commit and about the kids. Had Jibeom changed his mind?

"Don't you want it though?" Jibeom carefully said. "A family-a real family. And not all kids are hyper like Boseung and Boyoung. Look at Daeyeol and Sungyoon hyung's daughter. She's the sweetest girl in the world."

Jaehyun opened and closed his mouth a few times, he's momentary loss at words. "You want it? What- Jibeom!"

Jibeom sighed and shifted into sitting position. "I want to marry you," He said in such simplicity, yet it punched Jaehyun to the core.

"I know you don't like commitment and I respect that, but if you ask me," He trailed off. "I've been wanting to marry you for years."

Jaehyun swallowed. A guilt mixed with anger. Everything was already so perfect, why ruined it?

"In fact," Jibeom said again, gently this time. His huge eyes looked timid. "I have a ring to propose. I've had it for a while."

The revelation made him even more speechless. "R-ring? You're going... to propose?"

Jibeom nodded, staring at his lap. "I was. But then you told me about your distrust in commitment."

The statement threw him to a particular scene in the past, where he casually shared his belief to Jibeom after hearing the news of their professor's divorce. The professor was famous of his happy marriage with his wife, always boasting about his family in front of class with that pure happiness on his face.

Jaehyun's eyes widened. "But.. That's like.. years ago.."

The doctor smiled thinly. "It's 4 years. Yeah."

It was still hard to process the new information. Suddenly it felt hard to breathe. Jibeom was going to propose, but before the doctor could do that, he said it out loud that he hated commitment. He thought Jibeom had the same idea. He felt a pang of pain as he wondered how Jibeom was feeling at that time. How he got rejected before he could try. 

"J-Jibeom-ah.."

Jibeom took his shaking hand and clasped it with his own hands. "Can you.. Can you rethink about it?" His voice was hopeful, careful, scared.

Jaehyun wiggled his hand away from Jibeom's grasp, failing to notice the hurt on his lover's face. "We've talked about this. I don't like commitment. I don't think I want it."

"But we've been together for 10 years. Are you still doubting me?"

"It's not that I'm doubting you!" He said exasperatedly. "Can we just stay like this? We're happy like this.." His voice turned quiet as he analyzed Jibeom's expression. Was Jibeom happy?

"Nothing has to change," Jibeom said weakly. "We have lived together for 3 years, we're just like married couple without marriage cerrificate."

"Exactly!" Jaehyun found a good excuse. "Marriage is just a certificate. We don't need it to be happy."

"I…" Jibeom started but didn't continue. Looking at his lover, Jaehyun felt scared. Everything was good, he wasn't prepared to know Jibeom expected more from him.

"You still want it. Marriage," He pointed out quietly, hoping Jibeom would deny it. "I thought you don't care about that thing too."

"I want it," Jibeom said with conviction. "We're happy just like this, but it'll be nice to have assurance for our future. I want to be officially yours and you are mine. I want to introduce to to my family and friends as my spouse, I want to build a family with you, having kids, teach them things, watching them grow up, and then have family on their own. I know you don't share the same idea and I appreciate it, you have your own worry and fear. I understand. I love you and I don't want you to be burdened by this, but it's been 10 years, Jaehyun-ah.. Don't you think it's long enough to move a step forward?"

"Your uncle divorced after 20 years of marriage," He pointed out. "Marriage doesn't guarantee everything."

"And there are thousands, millions couple in the world have long lasting marriage. Some people failed but it doesn't mean we're bound to fail too."

"You know I'm terrible with kids," He reasoned out again. "We live through takeouts, cafetaria food and your mom's cooking. What will we feed the kid if we have one? We're so busy with work, sometimes we only talk with each other for a few hours before bed, how will we be able to raise a kid with this situation?"

"We can, babe, we can," Jibeom took his hands again, rubbing it, and it calmed him down. "We just need to plan-"

"By making me quit working?" Jaehyun cut his lover. "No, Jibeom, I love my work, and I don't want to sacrifice it only for this."

The silence that followed was so tense.

"Only for this?" Jibeom's voice was so quiet he barely heard it. It was then Jaehyun realized he might have sounded harsher than he intended to.

"Jibeom.."

Jibeom licked his lips and looked conflicted. Jaehyun watched silently, afraid that if he open his mouth, he'll say wrong thing again. It felt like forever until Jibeom finally took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. The doctor always did that when he's frustrated.

"It's late, we better sleep."

"But.."

"I know," Jibeom gazed at him deeply. "Don't worry, I won't force you. Just in case, you change your mind.."

The doctor smiled at him before rolling on the bed, back facing him. Even in the dark, Jaehyun could see the smile didn't reach his eyes.

*****

"So Jibeom wants to get married and have kids."

Jaehyun nodded and sighed exasperatedly.

Youngtaek eyed him wearily. "I don't know what's in your head and I actually don't want to know because it must be complicated as hell, but you know what, if I were you, I would be so happy."

"You know I don't do commitment," His voice showed betrayal. Youngtaek knew everything about him, he should be supportive.

"Yes I know but I don't understand," Youngtaek said. "I know you're afraid to mess up, but this is Jibeom we're talking about. You know him for 10 years, you know his character, his bad habit, everything, what are you afraid of? I know you love him and you trust him more than anyone, why don't you trust him in this?"

Jaehyun groaned loudly, making a customer in the cafe who sat not far from them took a glance. Youngtaek hissed at her and she quickly moved her gaze away, stuffing her ears with earphone.

"I'm just afraid. We're happy like this, why should we make it complicated? I don't want to be tied up. And once marriage happens, they will talk about children. I don't want children. I just want to work."

Youngtaek watched at him silently. "You know Jaehyun, I agree marriage doesn't always work. But if you love him, don't you want him to be officially yours? He had put up with you for 10 years, he compromised with you, he had been waiting for 4 years hoping for you to trust him enough to accept his proposal. And you know his family, they loves you. What else do you want? You have this one ideal man and you waste him away."

"I don't know, Taek-ah. What if marriage makes things worse? And he said he wants kids. It's scary, I don't even want to think about it," He said almost hysterical. "You see our friends who had gotten married and have kids. When was the last time we saw them? They're either busy to take care of household, take care of their spouse, their kids, they don't even have time to hang out. I don't want to be tied like that. I like to be free."

"Jaehyun, there're phases in life. They're busy because their kids are still babies. But once they grow up, they'll have more time."

"And then they'll have more kids. Once we're married, I would be obliged to do whatever Jibeom and his family wants from me."

"It's all about compromise," Youngtaek said softly, gripping Jaehyun's arm to calm him down. "Compromising is the key. Jibeom wants to compromise with you. There's nothing to be afraid of. You only need to reach out to him. Talk to him."

*****

It's easier to say than to be done. Since their late night conversation, Jaehyun felt there's an invincible wall between him and Jibeom. The doctor had been quieter and keeping some distance from him. Jaehyun thought it was just momentary. Jibeom would be back to his normal self after a few days. Maybe it's just him, but after knowing there's different principle between him and Jibeom, he felt weary.

Jibeom had shared his wish to build a family, and although the man relented last time, what if Jibeom brought the matter back?

The idea of commitment still scared him to the bone. Youngtaek had managed to make him rethink. He loved Jibeom, and marrying him actually didn't sound bad, but once he saw Jibeom, the fear came back like a tidal wave. It frustrated him. Can they just be like this?

"Babe."

Jaehyun looked up from his fried rice to see his lover who had just emerged from bedroom. "Hm?"

Jibeom's expression was hesitant, putting his phone back to the table. "I need to go to mom's house tomorrow after work."

"Oh, why?" Jaehyun cocked his brows. "Is she sick?"

"Hyung's father in law is in critical condition. Hyung and noona are going to Incheon. The kids are in mom's house. Thought I should help."

"Critical? What happened?" He suddenly was alarmed. Kibeom's father in law had been diagnosed with lung cancer a year ago. It was discovered in early state and so far he was in good condition.

"Hyung said the cancer had spread to the backbone," Jibeom said grimly. "Seems like it's not good."

Jaehyun watched Jibeom eating his food in fast pace. "I'll go to hospital early, hopefully I can go back earlier too."

The nurse bit his lips, conflicted. "Should I come with you?"

There's a slight pause in Jibeom's movement. "No need. The kids will tire you out."

Jibeom was stating the fact, but it somehow pierced his heart, especially after their argument that night. It was his own words, he had ever said to Jibeom that the kids tired him out, he had no idea it would be used against him. The way Jibeom said that without meeting his eyes was also an indication that the man was being cynical. Jibeom had never been like this.

The shock made him quiet. He fought back the urge to confront Jibeom, battling with inner self. Should he insist to come? After all, Mrs. Kim was too old to take care of 4 active kids. 

But before he could speak out, Jibeom had stood up and quickly washed his plate. 

"Leave them in the sink, I'll wash it," He offered, but the doctor shook his head. "It's fine."

Jaehyun didn't have the chance to talk again. Jibeom had rushed to the couch where his bag was and left the room after a simple bye. His lover was gone in a blink of eyes. He didn't even give him a kiss like usual.

*****

Jaehyun lay on the bed restlessly. The empty space beside him was cold, Jibeom won't be home that night. The doctor called earlier that Hyejin's father had passed away in the afternoon, so his brother won't be able to pick his kids up. Jibeom said he'll stay at his mom's for two days with the kids until they leave to Incheon for funeral.

He felt left out. Jibeom didn't even ask him to go together, just informed him that he'll take a 5 days leave to attend funeral, and he won't be back until Wednesday. But a second later, realization dawned upon him. He's only Jibeom's boyfriend after all. This was what he wanted right? Free from obligation. If he's married to Jibeom, he'll have to help take care of the kids, had to take leave also to attend funeral. The custom in the country would forced him to submit himself wholly to Jibeom and his family. 

He had apologized to Jibeom. He didn't mean to belittle their relationship, but he was really not ready for commitment. To his disappointment, the older man simply brushed him off, telling him that he understood, but his action was contrast to what he said. He's still cold, and despite his sadness, Jaehyun was also angry at Jibeom for acting like sulking kid. Despite everything, he kept everything inside, he didn't want to create fight.

But it's just empty. Especially that his relationship with Jibeom was not in the best condition. He missed Jibeom, he missed the old Jibeom.

*****

It was just two weeks after Jibeom came back to Seoul. The doctor called him to sit with him on dining table. He had just finished his long shift that day. He's very tired and the first thing he wanted to do after taking shower was to dive into the bed. However, his protest was silenced with a look of Jibeom's serious expression.

"I was told you volunteered to go to Pohang."

Jaehyun swallowed. Of course Jibeom would talk about that. There's a massive earthquake hitting Pohang that morning and the hospital would send volunteers to help the victims on site. After watching the news report and saw how bad the damage was, he didn't hesitate to apply.

"Yes."

Jibeom exhaled harshly. "And you didn't even tell me? I have to know this from Nurse Jang?"

"I'm sorry, I forgot," He resoned out. It was a lie. He could have informed Jibeom once he signed his name that morning. But Jibeom was still acting cold, and he felt weary to face the man. He didn't want to talk or see the other, because it'll only bring heartache. Besides, he knew Jibeom won't like it if he go. He knew delaying things won't help, but he still did.

"Forgot?" Jibeom's voice raised an octave. "You're scheduled to go tomorrow!"

Jaehyun looked away. "Look, I was going to-"

"Cancel it."

A 5 seconds silence followed. "What?" Jibeom sounded so authorative it almost scary.

"Cancel it," Jibeom repeated, holding his gaze strongly. He trully seemed unhappy. Jaehyun felt his emotion flared up. He was tired physically and emotionally. The strain between him and Jibeom tired him to the bone.

"Why should I?" He challenged the doctor, whose eyes rounded in shock.

"Jaehyun! It's dangerous! It's reported there'll be another earthquake follwing the last one. And I know you! You're just going to land yourself in trouble!"

Jaehyun was ready to burst. His emotion that he'd been bottled up in the last few weeks had started to leak out. "I'm not going alone, I'll be with the team and we'll not stay around the source of earthquake. We'll be fine."

"It's serious, Jaehyun!" Jibeom's face turned red. "And you didn't even ask me. Are you even sure you're planning to tell me beforehand?"

Hearing the accusation, Jaehyun got his anger controlled over him. "Ask you?" He said incredulously. "I admit I was wrong and I'm sorry I should have told you sooner, but I won't ever ask your permission. As far as I remember I'm not your husband and I don't need to ask permission from you over something related to my work. And you have no right to forbid me to go. I won't cancel the plan and I will still go there whether you like it or not."

Jibeom gaped at him, mouth opened, fire in his eyes. "Is this how you tell me that you won't commit to me? You want to flaunt your freedom huh?"

"I've never planned to flaunt it!" Jaehyun screamed. "And you don't have right to scold me when you act like a child as well! We agreed that there will be no commitment. But now you're throwing tantrum when I refuse to commit. You don't get to decide what I should do, Jibeom. I have never told you what you have to do so I hope you'll respect my decision."

He was going to leave, but Jibeom held his arm in a bruising grip. "You stay here or we're over."

Jaehyun gasped. The intensity of Jibeom's gaze alongside the coldness of his tone made his legs trembled. However, the message was clear. Jibeom's threatening him, using his feeling and 10 years of relationship to control him. They're not even married but Jibeom already had the gut to do this. 

Jaehyun saw red. He wanted nothing to punch the doctor's face and tell him to fuck off. He yanked his hand harshly and glared hard at the older man. "We're over then."

Without looking back, he walked as fast as he could to the bedroom and slammed the door shut. His heart was beating so rapidly as he leaned on the door. Anger, disappointment and disbelieve was mixed into one. It hurt and suddenly he was washed out with doubt. Had he done the right thing? 10 years of relationship is over just like that? 

He heard the sound of chair scratching the floor and his heartbeat increased rapidly. He walked to the center of the room, balling his fists, readying himself for another fight. He won't back down. Jibeom was being inconsiderate and he won't let himself lose. 

Jibeom didn't come in. Instead, he heard the front door opened and shut. Then, it's silent.

Jibeom had left.

Jaehyun swallowed the lump in his throat. Did Jibeom really let him go just like that? The pain intensified as he's left alone in their shared apartment. Ears started to well up in his eyes, and soon he's breaking down, his sobs echoed in the bedroom.

*****

Jaehyun hauled his bag from taxi. It's just a small bag, containing some clothes and some basic necessities, but it somehow felt so heavy. He walked to the office where the nurses and doctors who'll go to Pohang waited. He was really excited for this, but not really anymore.

"Yo, Bong is here!" Dr. Par exclaimed loudly. "We're set to go now!"

"I thought you'll be the earliest," Seungmin, a fellow nurse snickered, but his gaze softened when the nurse saw his disheveled look. "Hey are you okay? You look off today." He asked quietly.

Jaehyun knew he must have looked horrible. He couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, he's like a walking corpse. "I'm fine."

"You better stay here if you're not feeling well, I'm serious," The petite nurse said. He smiled weakly. "I'm not sick, it's just something happened, it's not a big deal-"

"Director Kim." 

Jaehyun froze. His breath was knocked off his lungs. Dr. Park walked passed him and talked to the newcomer. "I didn't expect you to come."

"I just want to come before you guys leave," The voice he recognized was heard. Jibeom must be standing not far from him. Did he hear-

The noise died down, as everybody focused on the director. Jaehyun stood quietly beside Seungmin, watching. He hadn't seen Jibeom ever since last night. Everything was still hurt, and he's hurt even more when Jibeom talked while casting a glance to everyone but him.

"Please take care of yourself, and be careful, always alert. I don't want any of you to come back injured."

A series of yes echoed in the room.

"See you next week."

With that he left. Jaehyun watched his retreating back with agony.

*****

_"Everything's alright?"_

_Jaehyun looked up from his book and saw Jibeom looming over him with a friendly smile. His cheeks heated as he stared at the crumpled papers in front of him. He was sitting in one corner of library, trying hard to do his chemistry assigment, but he was stuck in 2 problems. It's been an hour of trying and trying but with no result._

_"It's just this chemistry problem," He mumbled while gathering the crumpled papers, smoothen them and piled them on the side. Jibeom chuckled and pulled a vacant chair beside him._

_Jibeom was not a stranger anymore. It's been months since they talked to each other for the first time. At first they only exchanged greeting when they passed each other, but lately, the senior had initiated some small talks whenever they met. His friends teased him, telling him that Jibeom was obviously trying to get close to him but he brushed out the idea._

_He didn't know anyone from Jibeom's department, but from some encounters, he knew the senior was a quite popular student. He had good look, good personality and good academic. That type of guy couldn't be talking a liking on him. However, although there's only a small chance of Jibeom liking him, he couldn't shake the flattered feeling, because he had developed liking of Jibeom. He just didn't show it._

_"Show me. Maybe I can help," Jibeom offered, and he gladly pushed his book towards the senior. He would take any help he could get._

_"This one, and this one," He pointed out the problems and let Jibeom read it._

_Jibeom's brows furrowed as he read the questions. Jaehyun bit his lips, almost couldn't help himself from squealing. Jibeom was leaning so close to him, and his concentrated expression made him even more handsome. The cute nose and huge eyes were so adorable._

_"Ah, I get it," Jibeom mumbled. "It might look complicated but it's quite simple. Look-" Jibeom took his pen and one of the crumpled sheet, then began to wrote numbers and formulas. Jibeom tried to hard to concentrate but their close proximity made him nervous._

_"Do you understand now?"_

_"Yes, thank you so much for your help," Jaehyun grinned, looking up to his assignment papers which had been completed._

_"No problem," Jibeom smiled, eyes turned crescent._

_"Oh, did you come to study, sunbaenim?" He asked, wonder why Jibeom was in the library._

_"I just returned a book I borrowed, then I saw you. You looked frustrated," Jibeom chuckled._

_Jaehyun masked his embarrassment with an awkward scratch on his head. "Yeah, I've been here since an hour ago trying to solve this. I'm done now," He added cheerfully._

_"No more class?" The older student asked._

_"I'm done for today," He started to clean up his things and put it in his bag. "Have you finished class for today too, sunbaenim?"_

_"Yes," Jibeom nodded, followed by a silent hesitation. "Do you want to have dinner together?"_

_Jaehyun blinked, still trying to processing the question._

_"If you're available of course," Jibeom chuckled awkwardly. There was a slight of worry in his eyes. Jaehyun wanted the ground to swallow him whole, he thought his heart would burst in happiness. But of course he won't let Jibeom know that. He tried so hard to keep neutral face._

_"I'm free," He said between his smile. "Let's go."_

The memories flew back to him as he rested his forehead on the bus, watching the scenery outside. Most of the people in the bus was either sleeping or talking with each other, but he wasn't in the mood to do so. He chose to sit alone at the very back, pretending to catch a rest. But halfway, he rehretted that. Being alone like this made him remember, and it his heart hurt.

"Bong Bong."

"Jangjun hyung," He greeted the other nurse lifelessly, only scooted a bit neared to the window to give some space for Jangjun to sit.

"What's with that face huh?" Jangjun flicked his forehead playfully. "You'll scare the injured patients with that face."

He rubbed his forehead, still pouting. "That hurts."

"It's supposed to be hurt," Jangjun rolled his eyes. The older nurse scanned Jaehyun's face when the latter didn't respond.

"So.. You're fighting with Director Kim?"

Jaehyun sighed. "Is it obvious?" He didn't have a heart to correct Jangjun and said they had already broken up.

"It's as obvious as sunlight in the afternoon, baby boy."

"I'm not in the mood now hyung."

Jangjun clicked his tongue. "I'm telling you this because I'm kind yeah, but whatever problem you have, solve it quickly. Just apologize and I'm sure Director Kim would forgive you. Or just forgive him if he's the one at fault."

"It's complicated," He mumbled, fidgeting on his seat.

"It's complicated because you make it to be," Jangjun said. "With the way Director Kim asked me to watch over you, I think your problem can be solved easily."

Jaehyun's breath hitched. "H-he did what?"

"He asked me to keep an eye on you, don't let you hurt yourself, he said. I must say it's a difficult task since you can't walk properly without tripping on your own foot," Jangjun said but suddenly he closed his mouth and faked a shock face. "Oopps.. It should be a secret."

The younger nurse bowed his head, overwhelmed with the information. Jibeom who had left without a word, asked Jangjun to keep him safe? He furrowed his brows as his eyes started to get wet. He felt Jangjun's heavy hand on his shoulders. The playful smile was gone from his face, replaced with a soft one. "Stop hurting yourself and don't overthink. Talk to him and clear all problems."

*****

The damage in Pohang was so great that once their bus arrived in the medical base, the thought of Jibeom slipped out of his mind. They moved equipment and medicines from the bus and soon started to help treating injured victims. From time to time, firefighters came and brought back injured civilians.

The medical base was built in emergency on the side of the city. It was a cluster of tents in a clearing, to anticipate the following eartquake. It was hectic, and Jaehyun felt like he's back in army. Living in tent, sleeping on uncomfortable bed, minimal food and always alert. Rescue team, cops and volunteers were still searching for victims under the rubbles. List of missing people was pasted on near the medical base, and the amount of people who were still not found was worrying.

He found himswlf tending a 5 years old boy on the second day. The others were still busy attendng their patients, and he had just finished bandaging a man's arm when Joochan, one of the rescue team members, came in haste holding a crying boy.

"What happened?" He rushed to approach the boy and helped Joochan laying the boy on the empty bed.

"Found him among the ruins," Joochan said. "He's crying, asking for his mother. I'll go back to where I found him to search for her. I've given him water, I don't know if it's enough. It's been 3 days."

"Alright. Thank you," He said noncommitally and turnd to focus on the boy. His head was bleeding, but before he clean the wound, he checked they boy's body to find any more damage. Thankfully, aside from some scraps, he didn't found any sigh of broken bone. It's really miracle that this child survived with minimal wound.

"How are you feeling?" He gently asked the boy. He didn't usually do kids, but this boy's condition and tears made him heart clenched in pain. He tended him by himself instead of calling other nurse.

"Where's my mommy? I want mommy," The boy cried weakly. Jaehyun worried he'll passed out due to lack of nutrients.

"The other hyung is looking for your mommy right now. He'll bring her here soon okay," He lied through his teeth, praying hard that Joochan would really come back with the boy's mother soon. "What's your name?"

"B-Bomin," He child hiccuped, and Jaehyun unconsciously gathered the boy in his arms. The name somehow reminded Jaehyun of Jibeom's nephews and niece. And at the moment, no matter they often made him annoyed especially the twins, he missed them. And he prayed that they would always be happy, not miserable like Bomin.

"You're going to be okay, Bomin-ah. Hyung will clean and put medication to your wounds okay, but before that hyung have to give you a shot. It might sting a bit, but you're a strong boy yeah? It will give you energy so you can hug your mom later."

Bomin miraculously nodded although he's still crying. Jaehyun moved fast, he cleaned the boy's arm, and prepared a nutrient drip. 

"You can hold hyung's arm, Bomin-ah. It'll only hurt a bit, just for a while okay," He coaxed Bomin. The boy didn't answer but he cirled himself to the side, clenching his eyes shut, readying himself for the pain.

It tugged his heartstring. He patted the boy's shoulder, then carefully pierced the needle to Bomin's arm. Bomin yelped but stayed unmoving. Once the needle was inserted, he adjusted the flow, and put plaster on the needle.

"It's done, Bomin-ah," Jaehyun carefully manouvered Bomin to lie on his back. "It doesn't hurt anymore right?"

Bomin nodded. "It feels weird hyung," The boy whined, and Jaehyun gave him a warm smile.

"I know, but bear with it for a while, okay. Just for a few hours. After that I'll give you some snack, how about it?"

Bomin's eyes lit up at the mention of snack. "I want snack," The boy murmured. Jaehyun smiled at the child. "Okay, I'll bring it to you after hyung clean your wounds."

Bomin didn't cry in pain, he didn't protest. He only lay on the bed, grimmacing and clenching his teeth. But it only made Jaehyun wanted to shed tears. Bomin's wound was not serious, but he was worried whether Bomin's mom could be found safely or not. What will happen to Bomin if his mom couldn't make it? He didn't know how to console the child.

"Were you only with your mommy when the ground shook, Bomin-ah? Was your daddy there with you too?"

"Mommy said daddy is looking for me from heaven," Bomin started to cry again. "B-but.. sometimes auntie will come and accompany me when mommy's away."

"Oh dear," He wiped Bomin's tears. "We'll find your mommy okay, don't worry."

Once he finished tending the boy, the boy's eyes were already half opened. He must have been drained out. He couldn't stay as he needed to tend the others too, but the boy clutched into his shirt, asking him to stay. He had no choice but to sit on the bedside, petting Bomin until he fell asleep. 

When night came, when it's going dark, Joochan hadn't come back. Jaehyun prayed that the rescuer will find Bomin's mom alive.

*****

"How does your mom looks like?" He softly asked the boy.

Bomin suddenly stopped chewing his waffle, a little pout formed on his face. "Mommy is the prettiest girl in the world," He innocently said.

Jaehyun bit his lips. The description was not helping at all, but the innocence of the answer pinched his heart. He also remembered thinking how his mom was the prettiest woman in the world and his dad was the most handsome man in the world. The opinion changed as he grew up. His mom and dad weren't the most good looking people in the world, but he realized, for a kid, their parents were his world, his everything. The pureness of of a kid was really something.

He caressed Bomin's hair and crouched down to his eye level. "I believe she's very pretty," He agreed. "But can you tell hyung how long is her hair? The clothes she's wearing? Anything. Or maybe she has a mole on her face? Hyung needs to know so I know she's your mom."

Bomin scrunched his face in concentration as if he's trying to remember. "Mommy's hair is long but not too long. She's wearing couple clothes with me. We're going to have burger for lunch." His voice shook in the end and Jaehyun immediately pulled the boy into a hug.

"We'll find her, Bomin-ah," He said softly, gently swaying his body to the side, hoping to calm the boy down.

"Do you promise, hyung?" Bomin peeked over him with his huge glassy eyes. He nodded. "Hyung promise, you'll meet your mom."

He wasn't sure whether he should say that. The rescue team hadn't found Bomin's mom since yesterday. It was worrying, but he didn't want Bomin to worry. Bomin had experienced micracle, having escaped from death. He could experience another miracle.

"Hyung," Bomin suddenly called

"Hm?" He responded with a smile. "Why? Do you want some more waffle?"

Bomin shook his head. "Can you stay here tonight? I'm scared."

A tear slipped out from Bomin's eyes and Jaehyun readily agreed. The bed was too small for both of them, but he didn't mind. As long as Bomin stop crying, it's ok.

*****

Two days after he met the boy, with still so many missing people and Bomin's mom hadn't been found yet, Jaehyun decided that he couldn't stay still. The fact that Bomin was being so obedient and sweet made him want to see Bomin reuniting with his mom. The time's ticking. The longer the victims are burried beneath the ruins, the less change of their survival. 

He cornered Joochan that morning, saying that he'll tag along with him to search for victims.

"Are you sure, Jaehyun?" Joochan asked. "Have you told the supervisor yet?"

There's no way he'll tell Jangjun. "Yes I have."

"But they need you here."

"I can be helpful in case there's emergency," He quickly replied. "Please, Joo."

Joochan's eyes narrowed. "You haven't told your supervisor right?"

Jaehyun sighed. "No," He admitted. "He won't let me go. But… I need to find Bomin's mom. Please, I need her to be alive."

Joochan bit his lips, contemplating, but finally relented. "Okay, let's be quick."

The nurse heaved in relief. "Thank you. Wait here, let me get my bag."

He sneaked to the medical base, and thankfully everyone was busy and nobody noticed him. He told Bomin to stay and be a good boy, and he'll come back with his mom. He clenched his fists while saying that. He didn't know what should he do or say to Bomin if he couldn't find her. He didn't know how Bomin's mom looked like, he only knew some things based on Bomin's description. 

Not long after, he rode on a jeep with Joochan and some other men, heading to the place where Bomin's found. Some men were already there, and he quickly helped digging the ground, removing pieces of ruins, while straining his ears to catch any sound from below.

He spent the day in that spot, and as time went passed, he grew impatient and frustrated. They had to be careful to remove every piece of debris and they couldn't move fast. The sun probably would set soon, and there's no sign of Bomin's mom. They had found some dead bodies among the debris, but all were men. Looking at the dead bodies, Jaehyun's caught in fear. What's the chance of Bomin's mom living?

The sky grew dark and soon after, it suddenly rained hard. 

"Jaehyun!" Joochan shouted, his voice competed with the raining sound. "Let's go back. The rain is too heavy."

Jaehyun stared at the debris. He couldn't leave now. He had promised Bomin to come back with his mom. What should he say to the boy if he came back without her?

"Just a moment," He yelled. Joochan shook his head and moved closer, pulling his arm. 

"We have to leave, we can continue after the rain stop!"

"No! I have to find her!" He yanked his hand and started to do work again, pulling pieces of ruins and set it aside.

"You're crazy!" Joochan shouted. "At least let's go back and dry your body first. Come on, the rest left already!"

"I can't go back without her," tears if desperation slipped from his eyes, rolling along with the droplets of rain.

Joochan ran his hands though his wet hair. "Listen, I'll come back with raincoat okay, don't go anywhere, I'll be back soon." He didn't respond, still focusing on removing debris. 

Joochan ran back to the remining car and drove to the medical base. The agile rescuer jumped from the jeep once he arrived, and he was met with a muscular man, which he recognize as the nurse's supervisor.

"Go in and dry yourself," Jangjun said with furrowed brows. "You're dripping wet."

Joochan shook his head. "Jaehyun's still out there. I'm fetching raincoat and hotpacks."

"What?" The mention of the nurse name made Jangjun alert. It was then he realized he hadn't seen the younger nurse since morning. "Jaehyun is out there where?"

"He wanted to find the boy's mom. We searched on the site where we found the boy-"

He stopped abruptly when suddenly the ground shook. Some equipments and medicine bottles fell from the shelves. People screamed, and started to run outside, trying to save themselves. The ground shook violently that he had to grip the shelf to keep him steady. His ears caught the sound of thunder and buildings cracking. 

Jangjun had left, stumbled while running, shouting instructions to other nurses to assist patients to go outside. The tent was supposed to be safe, but the shouldn't take a risk.

Jaehyun. Joochan suddenly remembered. He bolted out again, forgetting his purpose of going back to medical base. He ran back to where he had just been a few minutes ago. People were running and shouting on the streets, and some building collapsed. Joochan cursed himself. He shouldn't have left Jaehyun alone. He should have dragged him back no matter how hard the nurse insisted to stay.

Jaehyun was nowhere in sight when he reached.

*****

Jibeom ran to the medical base, eyes frantically searching for Jangjun. The place was a mess. It's been 4 more hours since the second earthquake, but they hadn't been finished cleaning up the mess. It was chaotic especially because it was raining hard.

"Jangjun!" He hollered once he saw the black haired nurse among the crowd. The nurse snapped his head at the voice and pushed through people to approach the doctor.

"Jibeom," Jangjun looked tired and out of breath. "I'm sorry."

Jibeom felt drained. Once he heard that another earthquake hit Pohang, he immediately ran to the bus station and bought a ticket to Pohang. His throat was dry, he'd tried to call Jangjun and Seungmin, but they were unreachable. He prayed nothing serious happened.

However, Jangjun called him back an hour later, and the news he brought almost made him collapse to the ground. His Jaehyun had gone missing. Jaehyun was out there, somewhere, when it was raining heavily and a big eartquake hit the city.

"What happened?? Why was he out there?" His voice was almost hysterical.

"He sneaked out this morning. But from the informartion I got, he was trying to find a boy's mom," Jangjun sighed. "They'll looking for him right now."

"A boy?" Jibeom swallowed. It was such a reckless move, but it didn't weirded him out. Jaehyun had always done things impulsively. But this time, it's related to his safety and he's gripped in fear.

Jangjun pointed at a bed behind him, where a boy around 5 years old was sitting, shaking, while looking at the commotion around him.

"We found him two days ago. His mom was still missing, I don't know what Jaehyun's thinking, but he's got attached to the boy. I guess that's why he wanted to look for his mom."

Jibeom rubbed his face in frustration. "Where is it? Who can take me there?"

Jangjun didn't question him. The nurse simply waved to a random man passing by. "Jung! Can you take this doctor to Joochan?"

The man seemed to want to say something, but noticed the seriousness on their face, thus he nodded. "Alright," Jung turned to him. "Please follow me."

The heavy pour had reduced to drizzles when he went out from medical base. The wind was blowing very hard, making it hard to open his eyes wide. Jung told him to wait as he went to take raincoats for them. He tapped his feet impatiently on the ground. Every second was precious, they shouldn't waste it.

He was going to look for Jung when a car engine's roaring sound caught his attention. A small roofless jeep came approaching, and two men jumped down, carefully taking two injured bodies. 

"Hold on her legs! Careful!" One man shouted.

Two nurses rushed out from medical basrwhile some men came with umbrellas. Jibeom stood there, paralyzed, as he watched the scene. The familiar face made him stunned.

Jaehyun was on the jeep. His face was dirty, one side of his face smeared with dried blood, as well as his shirt. Despite the horrible condition, the nurse was actively helping the men to bring the injured victims down from the car. If he's hurting, Jaehyun didn't show it, but Jibeom noticed the slight frown on his face and how he's limping when walking.

Suddenly their eyes met, and Jaehyun stopped dead on his track. There's an undescribable feeling in Jibeom's chest. Longing, relief, admire. The younger man had never failed to captivate him. His passion to save people, his naiveness, and his strong will was so strong that sometimes it made him unsecure. But that's Jaehyun, the man he loves. 

Jaehyun was still stood there, looking at him, and Jibeom took initiative to approach him. Small steps at first, and then be broke to a run and embraced the nurse tight. Jaehyun smelled like blood and rain, but he's alive, warm and breathing, and Jibeom couldn't stop his tears when he held his love.

"Thanks God," He repeated over and over like a mantra. He didn't care the rain made his clothes clung to his body like a second skin. He forgot that they're in argument and not talking to each other. What's in his head was only relief. 

*****

Jibeom silently watched the boy, Bomin, hugged his unconscious mom while crying. He saw Jaehyun pulled the boy to the side and whispered things to his ears while Jangjun and Dr. Park checked the woman.

"Concussion," Dr. Park said after a while. "Broken calf, fractures on arms. Jangjun, prepare the stretcher, we need to transport her to hospital."

"I'll prepare it rightaway," Jangjun said as he left.

Jaehyun was still cradling the boy in his arms, wiping his tears and saying things he couldn't hear. There's a slight pang on envy in his heart. He didn't know what made the boy special. Surely the boy was handsome and cute, but Jaehyun had never been fond of kids. Jaehyun had never been fond of his nephews and niece. The nurse sometimes would have to put a child friendly mask in front of young patients, but it's only for professionalism sake. Looking at Jaehyun like this, so sincere towards Bomin, it made him feel like he's out of reach, like he's in another world that he couldn't enter. 

It was one of the reason why he was so adamant to marry the nurse, and why he was so disappointed that he acted so childish at the rejection. The truth was, he felt unsecure. He was the one who fell in love first, he's the one who asked Jaehyun to date him, and it was his idea to live together. He didn't doubt Jaehyun's love for him, but he had no idea how much Jaehyun loved him. 

Jaehyun had everything in life. His parents were rich, and although they divorced and his father left them, he and her mother were still loaded. Aside from that, Jaehyun was smart and has good job, he's living his dream, and he's happy with what he had. Even without him, it seemed like Jaehyun would be okay. Would Jaehyun love him until the end? It's true that marriage won't guarantee everything, but at least marriage woud made him feel secure of their relationship.

He understood Jaehyun's dislike of commitment, and he's willing to wait. His mistake was just thinking that one day Jaehyun would change his mind about commitment. How wrong he was. Their last fight made him realize that Jaehyun didn't love him the same way as he loved the nurse. He realized he had made a petty question, asking him to choose between his job and their relationship. It freaking hurt how Jaehyun chose his job over him without doubt.

He was so lost in his thought and finally realized that the woman had been moved to ambulance, and there's only Jaehyun and sobbing boy left in front of him.

Jibeom ignored the pain in his chest and took the first aid box from the shelf near him. He slowly walked towards the duo. Jaehyun's breath hitched when the nurse realized who was standing beside him. They hadn't exchanged words at all. 

He smiled at the boy instead of looking back at his ex lover. "Can I borrow this hyung for a while? He's hurt and I need to patch him up."

Bomin's lips quivered at the stranger. "A-are you a doctor?"

"Yes, I am," He crouched down on the floor, and wiped Bomin's wet cheeks.

"Is hyung badly hurt?"

"No, I'm-" 

"It's just some small cuts," Jibeom said, then added. "Hopefully."

"Please treat hyung," Bomin bounced on the bed, clinging to Jaehyun like a koala. Jibeom smiled.

"I can do this by myself," Jaehyun quickly said, but he didn't bother to look up. He ignored it. He opened the first aid box and rummaging the inside instead.

Jibeom was thankful Bomin was present, it made Jaehyun kept quiet and sat still while he checked and cleaned the wound on his temple. The cut was deep and bled a lot. It must be hurt. At this point he wondered how Jaehyun hadn't collapsed yet. 

"I'll need get this stitched," He informed the nurse, and he only got soft okay. 

He applied anesthetic cream while preparing the needle. Bomin shook when he saw it.

"W-what's that for?"

"Hyung is okay," Jaehyun squeezed the boy's arm, and just in time he saw Seungmin came.

"Oh my god Jaehyun, are you okay? I was just from- Oh, Director Kim.."

"Can you please bring Bomin outside for a while?" He didn't need to explain further. Seungmin leaned to Bomin and gave him a sweet smile.

"Bomin-ah, let's get some chocolate in the store with me."

"B-But hyung.." Bomin latched on the nurse, refused to let go."

Jaehyun patted his back. "I won't take long. Go with Seungmin hyung."

Bomin nodded although reluctantly, and Seungmin scooped him to his arms and walked out from the medical base. Now that Bomin had gone, the atmosphere turned tense.

Jaehyun had expected Jibeom to yell at him, or throw 'I told you so' right to his face. He didn't expect Jibeom to hug him and cry. It's so confusing and his head hurt. He missed being in Jibeom's embrace, but he coouldn't bask on the luxury for long. He had to break away from Jibeom's hug as he remembered Bomin and ran inside.

It was like another miracle that the second earthquake made him found Bomin's mom. He tried to run when the ground shook, but the shifting and slippery ground made him fell and hit his head hard. It hurts that his vision blacked out for a few seconds. Droplets of blood mixed with rain fell to his clothes and the ground. When he tried to stand up too, pain shot from his left leg. His black jeans was torn and a big open wound welcomed his sight. He panicked a bit, eyes searching for anyone, but no one was at sight. 

The ground was still shaking, and the remaining of torn down houses started to crumble down. He pushed himself to stand up and moved to a safer location. It's cold and everything was painful. And the worst was he was alone. He instantly remembered Jibeom, his ex lover who had forbidden him to go because he's worried. He remembered how he dismissed it and the harsh words he told the man. Regret crawled to his heart. He regretted saying those words to Jibeom, the man loved him more than anything.

In his desperation, suddeny he saw a small opening among the ruins. And he faintly saw green and black stripes, like Bomin's shirt. He scrambled on his feet, ignoring the cold wind and the pain in his head and whole body and started to dig. 

He gambled his life for that. With no experience in this, he could only used his luck and instinct to made way in. The ground was still shaking altough it wasn't as hard as before, but still, a small unluckiness, and the pile of debris would crumble down and bury him alive.

Bomin's mom was still breathing but his heartbeat was slowing down. He wanted to pull her up, one of her leg was stuck beneath a big piece of debris. It was to heavy for him to lift it alone. He couldn't remember much after that. Seemed like he had passed out until Joochan found him. His head was still pounding when he woke up, but he got new strength after knowing that Bomin's mom survived.

Now the adrenaline had left, replaced with anxiety to be alone with Jibeom. He still remembered their fight, his disappointment and guilt made his stomach twisted in agonizing way, and suddenly he dizziness came back. His body swayed but Jibeom quickly caught him and maneuvered him to lay on his back.

"Can I go now?" He heard Jibeom asked and he hummed. One side of his head had felt numb, like there was hundreds layer of skin formed beneath his epidermis.

He closed his eyes, trying to get rid of the dizziness, but it was a hard task when Jibeom's face was so close to him, warm breath fanning his jaw. His brows furrowed as he felt someyhing pulling his skin. Jibeom worked silently and fast and in no time, he had finished with the stitches and put plaster on top of his wound.

Next the doctor sent to his feet, cutting his torn pants swiftly, and began to clean his wound. He peeked over and saw his wound. It was a huge gash and surely would leave mark. He noticed Jibeom froze for a fraction once the dirt was removed. The doctor then carefully put medication, blowing it softly after putting ointment to ease the burnt feeling.

The gesture was so intimate and sweet, he would have jumped the doctor and gave him thousands of kisses if he didn't remember that they've broken up. He had chose his work over his lover. He swallowed in difficulty, trying to bit back a sob. 

Jibeom misinterpreted the weird sound coming out from his mouth, thinking that he's in pain. The doctor fastened his work and left. Jaehyun felt a pang of pain in his heart. Did Jibeom leave just like that? 

But Jibeom returned back a minute later with a basin and washcloth. Still not saying anything, the older man dipped the washcloth to water and started to wipe his face, his neck, and then his arms.

He enjoyed the attention and the gentleness. It's what he had needed after an exhausting event, but he didn't feel like he worth it. "You don't have to do this," He said weakly, blinking back his tears. Jibeom didn't even spare him a look.

"Let me do this just one time."

Just one time. The words lingered idly in the air. Jaehyun felt numb. Every gentle stroke on his body felt like piercing his skin. He looked up to the ceiling of the tent, wiping the tears that came out, and breathed through his mouth since his nose was blocked. 

Jibeom took his shoes off and wiping his feet.

"Where else is hurting?" Jibeom asked gently as he wiped his right foot. His voice cracked a bit in the end.

His heart hurt, and it hurt the most compared to the physical injuries he suffered. "I'm fine," He answered quietly. "Jibeom.." Finally he called and the doctor looked up. Jobeom's huge eyes were still red, his face was full of exhaustion. The sleeves of his shirt were pushed up messily to his elbow, and hair was a mess. But he's still the most beautiful human in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Jibeom sighed and looked away. The doctor rose to his feet, dumping the washcloth to the basin. "No need to say sorry for who you are," Jibeom sounded broken and although there's a small smile in his face, he didn't look happy at all. "When I saw you," The doctor squirmed a bit and let out a shuddered breath, "I saw you're in your element. It's who you are, it's your dream and I.." He stopped as if he didn't know how to continue. But when Jibeom straightened up again, the smile was back, it was more confident this time. "Just take care of yourself more. How.. How can you treat your patients if you're hurting yourself."

Their gaze locked at each other, and Jaehyun didn't even bother to hide that he's crying anymore. It sounded like goodbye, but he didn't dare to question it. Jibeom sniffled, but still maintaining him smile. Jaehyun closed his eyes and Jibeom caressed his head softly. The doctor's hand moved down to his hand, squeezed it gently. "Rest well."

With that, Jibeom took the basin with him and left.

*****

Jibeom didn't come back anymore after that. Jaehyun silently wished he would, but he didn't. Nobody told him, but he accidentally hear Jangjun told Seungmin that Jibeom had headed back to Seoul. The disappointment was greater than he expected.

He received scoldings from Jangjun and Seungmin, even Dr. Park, but he ignored them. Although he could walk and function perfectly, he was forbidden to work, Seungmin even told Bomin to not let him leave the bed. He didn't know what exactly Seungmin told the boy, but Bomin was so persistent not to let him get off the bed like he's afraid he'll fall and die if he did.

It did nothing but worsened his heartache. His stitches throbbed, and everytime, it reminded him of Jibeom. The only consolation was Bomin who always stayed by his side, acting like his personal nurse.

"Hyung, are you hungry?"

"Hyung, is your head hurt?" 

"Hyung, should I call doctor?"

He let Bomin sat on his side, listening to the boy's rambling about everything. The boy was far more cheerful after he heard his mom had recovered well. His aunt had finally tracked him, after held back by a job overseas, and she said she'll pick Bomin up and take him to his mom. Jaehyun was thankful.

"Hyung, I'll miss you," Bomin hugged him for the last time before he went with his aunt. 

Jaehyun smiled watching the boy's face drenched in tears. He was going to cry too, but he held back. He had to be the strong one. "Silly boy, why are you crying like this," He wiped Bomin's cheeks with his hands. "Smile.. Your mommy will be sad to see you like this."

His remark only made Bomin clutched into him more and sobbed harder. He chuckled, his heart warmed because he felt loved. Bomin's aunt finally came and took Bomin away for him. She thanked him for saving Bomin and his mom, and Jaehyun had never felt so accomplished. His wounds was nothing compared to the fulfillment he felt.

However, his heart turned empty again once Bomin left.

*****

Jaehyun dragged his bag slowly to the door. He was full of anxiousness and excitement. Finally, after a week, he's home. The volunteer week in Pohang gave him a wholesome experience, but he needed rest. He missed his fluffy bed, and he planned to spend the Sunday on bed. However, he's also worried at the possibility of meeting Jibeom again.

He had been thinking a lot in the bus during his way back to Seoul. He really needed to talk to Jibeom. They really needed to clear some things. Probably he needed to lower his pride and apologize and ask to get back together. He had no idea how he let his emotion ruled over him and broke up with Jibeom. But he regret it a lot, he loved Jibeom. He wanted to be with Jibeom.

He's still against marriage. The idea of being tied to someone, having another responsibility to hold, still peeved him out. But if it what he needed to do to make Jibeom stay by his side, maybe he'll consider it. Not only considered it, he actually had imagined getting married to Jibeom and actually liking it. Maybe there should be some terms and conditions, but he's willing to negotiate. 

His heart was pounding when he pressed the passcode. He walked in with much anticipation to see Jibeom inside. The apartment was silent and dark. His spirit dropped. It seemed like Jibeom wasn't home.

Jibeom could be in hospital or in his mom's house, or even went out to talk or grocery shopping, but one thing for sure, he hoped Jibeom would come back soon.

However, there's something wrong. Something's not right. He was still figuring it out as he dumped his dirty clothes to the washing machine. 

Whwn he entered bathroom to take shower, it was then he realized what's missing.

Jibeom's toothbrush was not in the usual place. He hastily opened shelf, and didn't found his razor too. In panic he ran out, opening the wardrobe harshly. He swallowed and fell sitting on the bed.

Jibeom's clothes were all gone.

*****

"Who told you to come?" Jangjun placed his hands on his hips and gave him a stern expression.

"Hi hyung," He greeted weakly. 

Jangjun's hard stare softened. "What are you doing here? I thought you've been informed that you're given a week rest?"

"I'm fine hyung," he gestured at his head. "It's not a big deal."

Jangjun sighed. "Your head is bandaged. You can't handle patients like this."

"Then I'll do the administration. Please hyung," He begged, knowing that Jangjun would relent somehow. The older nurse looked frustrated of himself.

"Fine. Stay inside the nurse station. Go. Shoo."

Once Jangjun left, Donghyun approached him with worried gaze. "Hey, I heard what had happened. Are you alright? You didn't pick up your phone."

Jaehyun walked to the nurse office and Donghyjn trailed beside him. "I'm fine," He said. He had lost count how many times he said that. "And sorry about the call. I was really exhausted and not in the mood to talk."

"That's fine," Donghyun held his arm. "I know the feeling, not in the mood to talk."

Jaehyun snorted. "Of course."

The younger nurse helped him to sit on the chair. Jaehyun pushed him away jokingly. "Stop treating me like I'm disabled. I walked to and from the bus stop safely."

"You rode bus," Donghyun deadpanned. "Although taxi fare is expensive I think you deserve to splurge a bit right now."

Jaehyun leaned his back on the chair. He could afford taxi of course, but he just felt like walking. Looking around, standing and walking around people would distract his mind. His mind would run wild if he sat on taxi. It's one of the reason why he wanted to come to work while he's not supposed to. Working would make him forget although only for a while.

"Hey," Donghyun said quietly despite no one was nearby.

"Hm?"

Donghyun hesitated. "Is it true that you and Director Kim.."

Donghyun didn't finished his question, but it's obvious what he's going to ask. 

"You don't need to answer, sorry," The smaller nurse quickly said after noticing his somber mood.

Jaehyun shook his head. "It's okay. And yes, it's true."

He was surprised when Donghyun huged him akwardly and patted his back. He almost laughed. The two of them was famous as frenemy among the nurse. He didn't remember interact with Donghyun aside from throwing snarky remark against each other.

"I'm sorry. But.." The smaller nurse sighed. "Can you talk it out? Everybody can see you're pretty much head over heels with each other. I couldn't believe it either when they told me."

Jaehyun shrugged. "I don't know. I was harsh on him, and he didn't even try to convince me, he took his belongings from our place, maybe he's so done with me."

He realized that all this time Jibeom was always so supportive of him, the one who would appease him when he's angry, who apologize first no matter who's wrong. When he reflected back, he realized how selfish and self centered he was. 

Jibeom was always taking care at him while he.. Rven thinking about it made him grimmaced. Considering about everything, he was ashamed even to meet Jibeom.

"Nonsense," Donghyun said. "Director Kim wasn't holding it well either. I saw him and one look, I know something's going on. Just talk and solve your problem."

"I don't know."

He wasn't sure of everything anymore. He had tasted his own medicine. This was what he deserved. Jibeom deserved someone better.

******

It's been two weeks since then, his wounds were more or less healed. There's a huge scar on his leg, it would take a long time to fade away. His stitch left a faint scar, which was bittersweet since it's Jibeom who stitched it. Every time he looked into the mirror, he'll remember Jibeom, their beautiful memories and also their breakup. 

Being a nurse was his passion, and he's still passionate about it, but still the's a huge piece of him missing. To think about it, Jibeom had been with him ever since he studied to be a nurse. He's been with Jibeom along the way, and now emptiness felt so great. It haunted him in his sleep, when he's doing rounds, when he's alone in his apartment. Everything turned bleak.

It was horrible, even Jangjun cornered him one day to get a grip. He spent more time doing administration since he's afraid he'll mess up in front of patients.

Jaehyun was scribbling notes on the patient report when Seungmin tapped his shoulders. "Hey, someone's looking for you."

He looked up and gasped when he saw Mrs. Kim standing behind Seungmin. She stood awkwardly and smiled akwardly too, holding his purse and a small bag. Jaehyun immediately stood up and bowed to her. Seungmin took it as cue to leave.

He led Mrs. Kim to a corner in the hallway where no people were around. "What brings you here ahjumma?" He quietly asked. She didn't hug him, didn't smile at him like usual, it's obvious she knew what's going on. However, she's still looking at him kindly, it made him feel guilty.

"I heard about what happened in Pohang," She directed his gaze to his bandaged head. "Is it alright dear?"

If he and Jibeom hadn't broken up, she must have hugged him and sternly asked him to go home and rest. He gingerly touched his head. "It's okay, it's not that serious."

She looked like she was going to retort but decided not to. Instead she took something from her bag. "I bring food for you, you have to eat nutricious food. Here, it's your favorite."

Jaehyun felt like choking as he received the food package. Tears rapidly welled in his eyes, startling the middle aged woman.

"Oh dear," Despite her small frame, she reached out for him and hugged him.

"I'm sorry, ahjumma," He cried like a child. He felt so guilty. Mrs. Kim was always so nice to him, treating him like her own son, and he always considered her as her second mother. Despite the messy breakup she's still being nice. He felt ungrateful.

"Don't be," Her voice cracked too. Her eyes were wet when she pulled away. "I don't know what happened between you two.. Jibeomie won't tell me clearly, but.. Is it because of me, Jaehyun-ah? Is it-"

"No, ahjumma," He vehemently shook his head. "It's not that.. It's… It's my fault.. It's complicated," He said weakly. "I don't know how to tell you. Sorry."

Jibeom's mom still looked troubled and sad. "I still hope you'll get back together. You've been together for so long I thought.." She shook her head, there's determination on her eyes. "Jaehyun-ah, no matter what happened, remember, I've considered you as my own son and it won't change.. You're always welcome at home."

Jaehyun swallowed the lump in his throat. Jibeom's mom was just as sweet as her son. It would be easier for him if she ignored him. He felt even more guilty like this. "Is.. Is Jibeom staying with you now?"

He was curious about Jibeom's whereabout. He had seen the director a few times in the hospital, but they pretended not to know each other. He didn't have gut to ask. The apartment was originally his, a present from his mom who lived in Jeonju. Jibeom lived with his mom before they lived together. She's the only one he can ask, although asking meant admitting that he and Jibeom were not in speaking term.

Like he expected, Mrs. Kim's small mile faltered before she composed herself. "Yes, Jibeomie is back to our house."

They stood in silence. Suddenly it became awkward.

"Jibeom didn't know I come here," She carefully said. "Actually he said meeting you will bring you pressure, but don't think like that okay?" She patted his arm affectionately. "I'm just worried especially after I know what happened to you. I'm glad you're fine."

Jaehyun nodded. "Thank you so much for this. I really don't know what to say.."

"I've known you for 10 years, Jaehyun-ah. I think we have passed that stage," She kindly said.

The nurse rubbed his eyes, feeling sentimental.

"Come and play sometimes," The woman said. "Bora and the twins came over yesterday and they asked for you."

That statement made him feel sad again. The twins always caused him headache, but at the moment, he missed them. He wanted to see them. 

Without him knowing, he'd been attached to Jibeom's family. Kibeom sometimes called him when Jibeom was too busy and unreachable. Hyejin chatted with him, talking about mundane things, even complaining about Kibeom sometimes. Hyejin.. He felt bad since he didn't attend her father's funeral. He missed them all.

*****

His legs felt as heavy as lead as he walked on the corridor heading to Jibeom's office. He had made up his mind, he will apologize, and he'll talk to Jibeom. Now everything didn't seem so scary anymore. He trusted Jibeom, the man won't make him miserable. He loved Jibeom's family as well and he didn't want to lose them. Other things, if he wanted to receive, then he'll have to give too.

Compromise, Youngtaek said. He'll do that.

He was a few meters away from Jibeom's office door when it suddenly opened. He immediately halted when he saw a young woman came out from Jibeom's office, and the doctor followed after her. In the quiet corridor, he could hear their voice clearly.

"So tomorrow 5 pm?" The woman asked Jibeom. She was pretty, with long wavy hair and mid length summer dress. Jaehyun imediately hid himself behind the column on the wall. Jibeom was back facing him so he couldn't see the doctor's expression. 

"Yeah, I'll wait for you here."

She smiled. "Alright, Jibeom-sshi. Thank you for today."

He heard Jibeom chuckled. "It's my pleasure, Sora-sshi."

Jaehyun chewed his bottom lips in jealousy. _Who is she? What did they do together just now? What are they going to do tomorrow?_

His initial purpose meeting Jibeom suddenly vanished from his mind. He silently watched the woman walked away, thankfully not to his direction. Jibeom turned around to go in to his office, but suddenly his eyes flicked to his direction. In panic, Jaehyun stepped back and accidentally knocked on waiting chair. 

His shin hurt so much, but he ignored it and walked away as fast as he could.

"Jaehyun!"

He cursed inside his heart, but didn't halt from running away. He's so upset amd embarrassed for getting caught. Jibeom's footsteps was getting louder.

"Jaehyun!" Jibeom grabbed his arm. The sudden movement almost made his body toppled over. He tugged his arm harshly. Jibeom didn't even protest. The doctor stood silently watching him. He felt irritated.

"Why?" He snapped but suddenlt regretted it.

"Why are you here?" Jibeom seemed unaffected by his rude tone.

Jaehyun stammered, "W-why? I can't be here?" 

The problem was there's only Jibeom's office and physiotherapy corner nearby and he had nothing to do with physiotherapy. There's no reason to come to this side of hospital if not to meet the director.

Jibeom looked conflicted. "See, it's not like what you're thinking."

The nurse huffed in annoyance. "It's not my problem anymore whom you're meeting. We broke up right?"

Sometimes his mouth was his problem, he wanted to slap his own mouth. He sounded so petty and it's so embarrassing. However, he's jealous and felt horrible, he couldn't help himself for being petty.

"Do you need something?" Jibeom said defeatedly. "That is if you come to see me."

"Why would I want to see you," He grumbled. "I just.. Nevermind."

"Wait."

He stopped, hating himself for being so weak. He could just ignore Jibeom and leave, but he missed the doctor. He wanted to be close to Jibeom a bit longer. Keeping his gaze to the floor, he stayed still.

He flinched when Jibeom raised his hand, and got startled when Jibeom moved some strands of his hair, checking his stitch scar. His heart felt like going to burst. Jibeom's movement was unsure and hesitant. He missed the time when the doctor would hold him freely.

A frown marred his face as he stepped back. 

"You left your trousers in our- in my apartment," He blurted out one thing he had in mind to escape from awkward situation.

Jibeom retracted his hand. "Oh.."

"Don't you think you're too cruel?" He said again, tears started to gather in his eyes. He'd been keeping his sorrow for so long. Jibeom had never approached him once to talk and he had no courage either. Now that they're alone in the corridor, after he watched Jibeom with a girl, the frustration was so great and he wanted to let it out. "You took your things and moved out without telling me. Who had the idea to live together then suddenly you left without a word. Not only this.. You.. You appeared in Pohang, stitched my head and then you left just like that. You're unbelievable, Kim Jibeom!. You're annoying, I hate you. I won't give the trousers back. I'll throw it away. I don't care if it's you favorite. No.. I'll cut it to pieces and use it to mop the floor-" His voice cracked, and he immediately shut his mouth. It felt like sobs would come out if he speak more. His harsh breath filled the corridor. He felt pathetic. He's the one who rejected Jibeom, but now he's being jealous.

It hurts to find Jibeom was fine and already moved on while he's crying almost every night, haunted by their memories and loneliness.

Jibeom kept quiet and suddenly it hit him, how he said childish things. He felt his cheeks were burning in embarrassment. He couldn't face Jibeom anymore. Maybe he had to quit and find other hospital to work.

"God," He groaned to himself. "Forget it."

For the second time, Jibeom reached his arm, refusing to let him walk away. 

"I think we need to talk," Jibeom said grimly.

"Listen," Jaehyun rubbed his forehead and gathered his courage to look at his ex lover. Jibeom's face distracted him for a moment. "I don't think I'm in the mood to talk right now-"

"I owe you explanation," Jibeom cut him off. "It's so late but.. You're right. I shouldn't have left just like that. Please? Let me explain. I.. I don't want our relationship ended in a bad way like this."

Jaehyun's hands trembled. Jibeom's right. They really needed to talk they broke up so abruptly. Talking would give them closure. Or should he try to make things right?

Jibeom led him to his offcie and closed the door behind him. 

He akwardly sat on the visit couch in the corner of the room, and Jibeom followed suit, sitting opposite him.

"Before I start," Jibeom took a deep breath, "I want to apologize to this overdue explanation and my avoidance. It's really not easy for me, and.. I was ashamed."

Jaehyun looked up in surprise. What did Jibeom mean with ashamed?

"I wasn't completely honest with you. I wanted to marry you ever since we went to Walmido Island for our 3rd anniversary. I dreamed of marrying you, having kids, and grow old together. I pretended that I agree with you about commitment, but deep inside, I hope as time goes by, you'll change your mind.

You're always so carefree, you have a set goal that sometimes I'm worried whether you'll include me in the future you envision. But years passed, we've into our 10th year, and yet, you rejected my proposal, I'm frustrated because I still couldn't make you love me enough. 

You're right, I acted like a child when you rejected me. I had no excuse. I was angry at myself, blaming you because you didn't want to go to a direction I want. I'm extremely ashamed of myself, and I," Jibeom took a deep inhale, "apologize."

If it baffled him that Jibeom planned to propose to him 4 years ago, it baffled him even more to know Jibeom had thought of marrying him since 7 years ago. He should have known. Jibeom had a perfect family, his brother married happily at young age too, he had seen how Jibeom adored his niece and nephews. He should have known that Jibeom wanted a family.

He had never thought Jibeom loved him this much. The popular and smart senior who was adored by people loved him like this, it made his heart fluttered. It's supposed to be easy, to say "sorry", "I love you" and "let's start over", but no words came out from his mouth. He had cold sweat on his body as he's engulfed with doubt again. _Am I sure I want to get married? I can't just say it then back down. It'll be unfair to Jibeom._

"You should have told me," He said strainly. His mind was blank.

Jibeom smiled sadly. "I should have."

Jaehyun swallowed and straightened his body. At the moment, he needed to know something. "Now that I know what you're thinking like how you know mine, I want to ask you something. Do you… Do you still want to be with me although I don't want to marry you? Do you want to be in an unofficial relationship with me?"

The doctor stared at his clasped hands, there's sorrow in his eyes. "Don't you think it's fair to ask that to me?" Jaehyun shivered as Jibeom raised his eyes and gazed straight to his eyes. There's no hint of anger, but the sadness and disappointment in his face made it even scarier.

When he failed to answer, the doctor asked again, "Will you stay with me even if I insist of us getting married?"

It was another answer he failed to answer. It's like being a punch in the gut. How can they be together if they have different vision for their future? Jibeom had been letient all these years, it seemed that he's tired of it.

Suddenly it felt real. There's no future of them. And it scared him, he couldn't think of a future without Jibeom.

He swallowed the bile in his throat, and remember his initial purpose to come to Jibeom. Should he? Now?

"Whatever it is," Jibeom said, cutting him for his train of thoughts. "I think we need a break."

Jaehyun could look at his ex lover's eyes. Jibeom's eyes were always very expressive, he could know whether the doctor was saying the truth or not. But this time he didn't have to look into Jibeom's eyes to know that the man meant what he said.

A break. Maybe Jibeom just tried to soften his word. But he's not stupid to the get meaning behind it.

*****

An unexpected visit from Bomin and his mother was surprising, but very much welcomed. Bomin had grown up a lot in the span of four months. The boy definitely had grown taller, and he looked fresh and healthy. Most the important thing was, the boy was smiling so brightly that the other nurses cooed at him.

"Hyung!!" He shrilled so loud even from distance. Jaehyun cringed, but he immediately ran to the boy and took him to his arms. 

"Bomin-ah! Why are you here??" 

"I want to see hyung!" Bomin chirped happily. 

"He insisted that he wants to meet you," Bomin's mom informed her, and Jaehyun put Bomin down and greeted her.

They exchanged polite greeting and moved to the cafetaria to talk. Bomin clutched his scrub, latching to his side while blabbering about his robot toy. The was a little playground near the cafetaria. Bomin ran there and play while they sat on a small table in the corner.

"How are you doing, Yeonhee-sshi?" He noticed that the woman was limping.

"I'm fine," She smiled. "My left leg was damaged quite badly, truthfully this I just stopped using crutch. It doesn't hurt much, but still uncomfortable."

"That's good to hear. I suggest you take it slow. Don't use your legs too much, and physiotherapy will help your recovery. I hope you'll perfectly heal soon," He offered sincerelty.

"I'm in physiotherapy right now. And don't worry, the doctor said I recovered well and fast," They shared a smile before suddenly she got teary. "Jaehyun-sshi, I know it's so late and I'm sorry it took me a long time to reach for you but.. I want to thank you so much for taking care of Bomin and for saving me. I heard that you're the one who found me. Bomin.. He doesn't have anyone but me. Thank you so much."

Jaehyun felt extremely touched. He risked his life to save her, he had injured himself but now he thought it was nothing. If he could repeat the time, he would do it again for sure.

"It's my job, Yeonhee-sshi, no need to thank me for that. I'm glad you survived. Bomin cried everyday looking for you."

The mother glanced at Bomin affectionately She had soft smile on her face, but her eyes were sad. "Ever since his father left, he's become so clingy on me. Bomin's dad.. He likes to drink and can get pretty violent. He hit Bomin several times," Jaehyun offered her a tissue which she gratefully accepted. She dabbed his eyes and took time to control her breathing.

"Bomin had grown weary of adults especially men, not many people can make him warm to, but he did to you," She smiled again between her tears. "I'm so grateful."

Jaehyun gazed at Bomin, symphatizing the boy. Bomin was smiling wide, revealing his gummy smily as he played. If he looked at him like this, he had no idea Bomin had such a sad past.

"Do you have kids, Jaehyun-sshi?"

Yeonhee's question made him startled. "Oh.. Hmm. No, I don't have kids," He said, a bit hesitant to talk about that to a stranger.

"Oh, I thought you have kids since you can get along with Bomin really well," She chuckled. "But you must have used to it. You must have dealt with children a lot in hospital."

Jaehyun blinked, feeling weird that someone said he's good with kids. He hated kids. Everybody knew that, Donghyun cursed him for that. If he saw one crying, he would call other nurse instead.

"I'm not good with kids," He confessed, rubbing his nape. "I'm actually terrible with them. I just can't handle them, I can't bear with their actions, and I don't know what to do when they get angry or cry."

Yeonhee surprisingly just nodded in understanding. "I once was like that too, before I had Bomin. My sister is much older than me. She lives overseas and once in a while we meet, and I can't even touch her daughter," She chuckled. "I held her once and accidentally dropped her. Thankfully we we on the bed. But since then, I'm afraid of kids. I don't have confidence to handle them."

"But you raised Bomin really well," Jaehyun commented. "He loves you very much."

"I started to change when Bomin was born. We're actually waiting for 2 or 3 more years before we decided to have kids, but Bomin happened. He's my son after all, and I had to take care of him. It was hard scary at first, but I slowly learn and gain confidence. Despite all the hardships, it's very rewarding when your son smiles at you and said i love you. It makes all the sadness and pain go away," She said whistfully. "I don't regret anything, although he's unplanned and his father is not a good man. I work hard so Bomin can grow up well and happy."

"I'm sure you can do it," She smiled at her. She had been through a lot, and he realy hoped the best for her.

"Thank you," She smiled back, her expression was more cheerful. "You too, Jaehyun-sshi. You might think you're not good with kids, but when the time comes, you'll know that you're not that bad. Bomin told me how nice you were to him. He told me alot about you. You won't be that bad."

*****

Jaehyun stood in front of the hospital, watching droplets of rain fell from the sky. Yeonhee's words were still ringing in his ears. He couldn't help to feel flattered at her compliment, but he still wasn't sure he's good with kids. He didn't have the patience. When Boseung and Boyoung pranked him, he felt nothing but irritation. When he had to take care of Bojun for a while when Kibeom went to supermarket, he would check the clock every 10 seconds, wishing Kibeom would be back soon. Bomin was a special case, he didn't know why. Maybe because they met in a heartbreaking and drvastating situation.

"Ah it's raining," A woman voice caught his attention and his heart sank. It was the woman he often saw with Jibeom. The doctor was with her too although the man didn't see him. He had seen her several times in the hospital with Jibeom. Gossip had spread that she's Jibeom's girlfriend. And he hated it. Partly because he didn't like to see Jibeom with someone else, and partly because everyone was looking at him with pitiful glance everytime the woman was brought up to the conversation. From the info he overheard, the woman was one of the board member's daughter. She's pretty and currently pursuing her master degree. 

Pretty, smart and rich. What a nice package, he thought sadly. 

"Stay here, I'll get the car," He heard Jibeom said.

"We can share umbrella," She said, gesturing the umbrella on Jibeom's hand.

"The wind is quite strong, you'll get wet."

The jealousy was flaring up again although he knew Jibeom wasn't trying to flirt to act cool on front of woman. Jibeom was naturally kind like that.

"Ah, okay. I'll wait here."

"I'll be quick."

Jibeom turned around, and that's when the doctor noticed his presence. It was still hurt even after months. Jibeom's steps faltered as the scanned him especially his hand. He was already out of his scrub and he had his bag with him, but he had no umbrella. He could see dilemma on Jibeom's face and decided to make things easier for Jibeom. He put his headphone on his ears and retreated back in.

He ignored Donghyun's question about why he went back. He simply dropped his bag and sat slouching.

"Ya, don't sit here," Donghyun tapped his back with his pen not so gently. "Go to the resting room. Or just go home."

"It's raining," He mumbled. 

"You don't bring umbrella? Again? I told you bring umbrella, idiot," The younger nurse stopped sideeying him when he received no insult back. "Hey, you okay?"

Jaehyun made a 'hmph' sound and put his cheeks on the table. "Hey, Donghyun, when will your shift end?"

Still confused, Donghyun gazed at his watch. "1 more hour then I'm done."

"Want to grab some drink?"

Donghyun faced him properly. "I think you're not okay in the head. You want to drink with me? Are you sick or something? I don't drink, and we're not allowed to. We can come here tomorrow with headache."

Jaehyun sighed. "You're no fun."

There's a short pause. "Is it about the girl?" Donghyun lowered his voice. Jaehyun huffed, annoyed that Donghyun guessed it right. But he's thankful Donghyun confronted him directly like this instead of gossiping behind his back. "I saw her today."

Before he could answer, his phone vibrated. He jolted in surprise and got even more surprised to see Hyejin's name on the screen. He hesitantly picked up the call.

"Hello, noona."

"Jaehyun-ah," Hyejin's voice was laced with panic. He straightened his back in alarm.

"What happened?"

"Jaehyun-ah, where are you? Are you working right now?"

"I've finished working. Noona, what happened?" He started to get panic. Hyejin sounded hysterical and he could hear Bojun crying in the background.

"Jaehyun, I need your help," She quickly said. "I'm sorry, but… Can you please come? Omonim and Jibeom are unreachable, and Kibeom is still in Japan. Bojun.. He has fever. I gave him medicine but tonight suddenly his temperature become very high he won't stop crying. Twins are fussy and Bora is studying for test tomorrow- I can't leave them-"

He had heard enough information. He stood up, "Noona, I'll be there soon."

*****

Jaehyun huffed tiredly but content as he watched Hyejin put a sleeping Bojun to his bed. A total of three hours nerve wrecking moment finally passed. He took taxi to Hyejin's house, offered to take Bojun back to hospital, and after getting medication, he took taxi back to Hyejin's house.

Hyejin was close to tears when he came, but now she had calmed down. The twins surprisingly were calm, as if they understood their mother was not in a good state.

"Thank you so much, Jaehyun-ah, I don't know what should I do if you're not here to help," She hugged him tight, and he awkwardly patted her back.

"Don't mention it, noona. You know you can call me everytime you need me."

Although he and Jibeom had broken up, but he hoped to maintain good relationship with Hyejin. She's a every sweet and kind woman. He admired her. Having 4 kids with her family are in Incheon, she raised her children happily without complaint. She smiled and squeezed his arms. 

"Stay for a while for dinner," She offered. "I kept some bulgogi and rice for you."

He agreed, because he thought Hyejin might need some help, and he's actually starving. He ate quickly while Hyejin helped Bora eith her homework, then he went to the playroom where the twins were playing with their lego. The boys ran to him when he entered the room, happy smile adorned their faces.

"Uncle!" Boseung jumped into his arms. He caught the boy, almost stumbled back, but nonetheless, he laughed at the boys enthusiasm. "Play with us!!"

"Ah, you want to play with me?" He felt warm inside. "Were you being a good boy?"

"Of course!"

"Me me!" Boyoung screamed, tugging his shirt violently, trying to get his attention. He put Boseung and sat on the floor. Boyoung immediately launched himself to his lap.

"I'm a good boy too!" Boyoung almost screamed on his ears. "Hyung, let's play!"

It's almost 8.30 but the boys were still energetic as ever. Usually he would find 100 reasons to refuse, but that day, he complied. It's been so long since he met them, and he somehow wanted to play with them. No one's waiting for him at home anyway.

He was playing with the boys when the bell rang. A few seconds later Jibeom's voice was heard and he stiffened. He felt heavy. Jibeom came, and there's no way he go without the doctor noticed. Jibeom and Hyejin were talking with low voice outside, he couldn't catch what they're saying.

A while later, the door opened, revealing the doctor. Jaehyun spared him a glance before he get back to clean up every part that the twins thew away. The boys were messy and his clean freak him couldn't stand the messiness. The twins half ignored their uncle too for the sake of their almost finished lego.

"No hug for me? I'm disappointed," Jibem said, faking hurt.

"No hug for naughty uncle who didn't pick up mommy's call," Boyoung said.

"Yeah," Boseung said, laughing. Jaehyun couldn't help but smile.

"Fair enough," Jibeom declared before he cleared his throat. "Can we talk for a while?"

Jaehyun looked at the doctor, who looked back at him.

"Noo," Boseung whined. "We're playing!"

"Boys," Hyejin came at the right timing. "It's time to sleep you have school tomorow. Say good night to Uncle Jibeom and Uncle Jaehyun."

They whined, but a strong gaze from Hyejin, and they left their legos and hugged then good night. Jaehyun swore Hyejin sent a wink to him before closing the door behind them.

"Thank you for today," Jibeom broke the silence. "Hyejin told me the story."

"No problem at all," He said, still gathering lego pieces and put them grouped according to their shapes.

"I'm soeey for troubling you. My phone died, I forgot to charge it," Jibeom explained without him asking.

Jaehyun felt a familiar irritation creeped into him. "Oh I thought you're busy with your date," He snapped before he could help himself, and immediately regretted it. The silence pierced through the air. He sounded like a pathetic sad ex lover who got dumped. He ruffled his hair in frustration.

"I'm tired, I want to go home."

Jibeom grabbed his hand, stopping himself to stand up. The doctor's grip was firm.

"She's Mr. Lee's daughter. He recommended me to her to help her finishing her thesis."

He finally looked up, blinked at the new information.

"In the last few months she interviewed me and I helped her with some datas. She finished her thesis a week ago, and she treated me dinner tonight to thank me. Her boyfriend came with us too."

Jaehyun swallowed. So Jibeom's not dating the woman. His face felt hot in embarrssment. He had openly showed jealousy over something that was not true. 

"Oh.." He said. "G-Good for you. I'll go home."

Jibeom still didn't let his hand go. "Can we go back together?"

Suddenly his throat felt dry. "W-What?" He still couldn't believe what he had just heard. Plus Jibeon's thumb moved, making a gentle stroke to the back of his palm, making him distracted. 

"I.. I've been thinking a lot," Jibeom momentary looked at the floor. "And everytime, the conclusion is I love you and I don't want to lose you. I was happier back then, even when you don't want to marry me, but we're together. Maybe you're right. We can just stay the way we used to be, without ring, without marriage sertificate. I might not be able to have kids of my own, but I have those 4 rascals. They're handful and chaotic enough to occupy my mind. I don't need those, just.. Just having you is enough."

Jibeom licked his lips, nervously looking at him. "Is still there a chance for me?"

He broke down right there at the moment. His heart hurt, at the same time, it swelled with love. Once again, as always, Jibeom was the one who took the initiative, while he became the coward who always run away. It shook him how Jibeom gave up his dream for the sake of him, letting his desire go just to please him, to keep him by his side. He really didn't deserve it.

Jibeom was always giving and giving. What had he done for the doctor?

Like his eyes being opened, he realized, he's feeling the same. How many times he had tried to man up and go to Jibeom to say 'yes, I'l marry you' and backed out at the same time? 

He had lost his precious 3 hours to rest and relaxed just to help Hyejin, and he didn't feel any heavy weight in his shoulders. He held Bojun, whispering calming words to the baby while the doctor checked on him, rocking him to sleep.. He played with the twins and actually enjoyed himself. Without him realizing it, he had become a part of the family.

Jibeom's hand slid to his face, rubbing his tears stained cheeks, gently with his thumbs. That moment he lost it.

He lunged forward, burying his face on Jibeom's chest. Familir scent of cologne invaded his nostrils, it's so calming, it felt like home. "I was so mad at myself," He started to let out the burden on his chest. "I wanted to apologize, I love you, I don't want to lose you either. But I saw you with that girl and I… I don't have the right to feel jealous but I just did. I'm afraid.. I though I lost you for good, and it hurt so much.."

The doctor carefully peeled him off his body, there's a warm smile on his face as he watched, listened the nurse poured his heart out. "I hate you. I can't believe you think I don't love you enough. I saw you in everything I do. I think of you everytime I see stripes shirt in department store, I bought instant noodle that you like, I bought the soap you like, I bought the toothpase you like, we ate jjampong because you wanted it and I don't even like seafood-"

He heaved, chest fluttering. "You've become a part of me, and it's very hard, extremely hard for me when you're not around. And then that girl happened-"

"You know I don't swing that way," Jibeom told him with a small teasing smile. "I thought you know that already."

Jaehyun found himself smiling, feeling relieved like all weight had been lifted up from his shoulders. "Then you swing which way?" He tried to tease back despite his croaking voice.

"Your way," Jibeom pointed at his chest. Their eyes met and like someone made a cue, they both laughed together. The tension melted away.

Jaehyun leamed forward and pressed their lips together. Jibeom held his nape, holding him in his place and started to nibble his lips. Jaehyun missed this, the warmth, the feeling of love from Jibeom's touched. He hang his body to the doctor, losing himself in the euphoria.

He felt what's right, there's no doubt of it. There's not a slight hesitation. He'll give Jibeom what he wanted.

He pulled back, and stopped the doctor who was going to claim his lips again. "Wait," He put his palm on Jibeom's mouth, effectively stopped the man.

His eyes caught the sight of Bora's marker lying on the floor. He took one, a bubblegum pink color, and opened the lid. Jibeom eyed him curiously.

"What are you going to do with it?" 

With a shy smile and shaky hands, he took Jibeom's hand, and drew a circle around his ring finger. He then did the same thing with his own finger. Jibeom was looking at him with wide eyes. The doctor didn't say anything, but from his expression, he thought Jibeom probably had understand what he meant.

He put down the marker, staring at the pink drawing on their fingers, and his smile bloomed. "Soap will wash this away, but You can change them with the real one later, with the one you'be been hiding for 4 years."

Jibeom grabbed his hand, asking him with so much urgency in his tone. "Please tell me you're not joking. You can't joke about this you know."

His eyes softened. "I'm very sure, Jibeom-ah. I'm sorry I was so dense. It took me so long to realize that.. You'll never fail me, you had never and you won't. I'm sorry I didn't trust you enough. I.. I want to trust the rest of my life with you."

Jibeom laughed breathlessly. "I… You can't take back what you've said, do you understand?. I ask you one more time, are you sure about this?"

Jaehyun bit his lips. It's riddiculous. He'd been with Jibeom for 10 years, his heart shouldn't be fluttering like this. His lips were shaky of nervousness and giddiness. "It's a wrong question. I won't answer it."

The doctor laughed again, looking as nervous as he was. Jibeom took a few deep breath before asking the question.

"Will you marry me?"

It was not romantic at all. Daeyeol proposed to Sungyoon in a high end restaurant, the diamond in the ring he bought costed as much as a year apartment rent. Youngtaek proposed on a romantic scenery of Jeju sea during sunset. Lego pieces and toys were scattered around them. He felt sticky from the long day of work and the whole drama with Bojun, he knew his appearance was far from good. 

There's no ring, just a messy pink lines around their fingers who were tangled with each other. But that's fine. It didn't matter how the proposal was made, it didn't matter how much money used, how romantic it was, because in the end it wasn't the thing that was important. It was how they'll go from there.

He was still scared, but he knew Jibeom won't let them down. He had proved it. He'll be safe with Jibeom. 

Jibeom gave him a gentle squeeze, and he looked up to meet the doctor's eyes. 

This would be the beginning of a new page in their lives.

"Yes, I will."

*****

Loud cry reverberated in the dark quiet room, and the followed by rustling sound of bedsheet. A grunt escaped from Jibeom's mouth. His eyes were still shut, it felt heavy to open, like somebody put glue on it. He was dead tired from the overtime in hospital.

But his son's loud cry made his head hurt.

"Jibeomie," He heard Jaehyun whined, and felt a weak kick from his husband. 

"Okay okay."

With half opened eyes, the doctor got off the bed, stretched his body while walking as he felt stiff all over. But once Jibeom saw the tiny creature on the crib, huge eyes full of tears, and chubby short hands lifted up as if saying he wanted to be carried, his sleepiness was sucked away from him. 

He lifted the baby up gently and rocked him, saying getly from side to side. "Why is my baby crying? Is he hungry?"

The baby was still crying. Jaehyun had fed him a while ago, or he thought so, since he was half asleep so he lost track of time, so Bomin shouldn't feel hungry until at least 3 more hours from now. But then his hands touched Bomin's bum. A familiar smell greeted his nose.

He chuckled. Cleaning baby's poop had always been the topic of small arguments. Neither of them was fond of it, but he'd lucked out tonight. Still, he didn't complain. As much as he hated to clean up the poop, it's Bomin, his precious little son.

Bomin immediately stopped crying when he's clean and in a new, dry diaper. Jibeom coed him and the baby bursted into tiny giggle. Didn't want to seperate yet, he brought Bomin to the bed instead of the crib, and placed the baby in the middle of the bed. Bomin instinctly rolled to the side reaching out for a sleeping Jaehyun.

The movement stirred Jaehyun awake. Jibeom saw how his spouse rubbed his eyes.

"Why is he here?"

Despite the question, Jaehyun snuggled to Bomin, moving his head near Bomin's tummy. The sight almost make Jibeom melt on the spot.

"He's lonely," He answered lamely.

Jaehyun chuckled. His voice was even huskier. "Sure he does. Why is he not sleepy," The nurse sighed as he watched Bomin's eyes open wide.

Jibeom get back on the bed, pressing himself to Bomin's side. "He poop and I cleaned his bum. He must have felt so refreshed."

"I see," Jaehyun stiffled a laugh.

Jibeom smiled. "Babe," He called his husband who was playing with Bomin's hand. Jaehyun look up. 

"Thank you."

The younger man was taken aback at the sudden melancholy in Jibeom's voice. His heart turned warm. It felt wrong that Jibeom said that to him. They've been through a lot, they had almost seperated for good, but it was Jibeom who fought for them. 

But their arguments, their brief seperation, it gave him strength and bravery to move forward. The moment he had Bomin, he realized Yeonhee was right. Maybe it's what they call with parent's instinct. Sure he was scared to be responsible of the fragile baby, but he just knew he could do it. It wasn't easy, and there were times he's just too tired and just wanted to lock himself in the room and sleep, but when he held Bomin in his arms, he gained strength. 

Jibeom was always beside him, ready to take over everytime he's so done with everything. His mother in law was very willingly to help. Kibeom and Hyejin too were so supportive, giving him tips and even offered to take care of Bomin sometimes, although they were busy enough with 4 kids. 

Looking back, he felt foolish for ever doubting Jibeom. He doubted he'll find other man better. 

Jaehyun laced their hands together, careful not to squeeze Bomin, and brought Jibeom's hand to his lips. He smiled while looking at the doctor's face. It's a rare silent peaceful moment that they cherished. They hadn't been sleeping enough since Bomin arrived to the the world. In a few hours, they had to wake up, facing hectic day that felt endless.

He's not afraid anymore. He had Jibeom who accompanied him through thick and thin, who understood his weakness and limit. He had learnt to compromise since he's now not living for his own. While that's what he's afraid of, now it was not scary at all. In fact, it's exciting and thriling. He's cherished and needed by the people the cherish and needed as well. It's a wonderful feeling.

All in all, he'll be okay. Everything would be just fine.


End file.
